Posted by rskontos on February 17, 2008, at 8:32:29
In reply to Re: Took A Risk And Got Burned :( Poss triggerslong » rskontos, posted by Sigismund on February 17, 2008, at 0:35:48
Sigismund,
**Priceless family dynamics.Yes don't you. She says she has always lived in my shadow. I was the smartest, blah blah. I guess she felt the need to prove to me, someone out there values her. I tried to tell her if I did not why did I search so long on the internet for her whereabouts and call her. You see I did not have her address or phone number all these years either. I just located her recently. When she told me all she was doing now I told her I was happy for her and I am. I don't think she heard me.
**Just avoid feeling ashamed about feeling ashamed.
It does hurt though to have that throw up to you as if it is a flaw. I know it is not but for your family not to understand. To feel like you are the only one not handling things well.
**Isn't it interesting how families who presumably have better things to do than fight each other to the death about their interpretation of history do just that?
I have one aunt that said my sister and I were pawns in my parents games between each other and we never going to be able to be close as we conditioned as small children to be adverseries
and that she felt so sad for that. I guess it is true and that it was my attempt to see if we could undo that but maybe I was sadly misguided. I was hoping she and I could just be sisters like my other sister and I.**You make me think you feel she is.
She is worth a try but not at my expense. I deserve her to look at me and if she isn't going to try an see me as I am trying to see her than what else can I do. I know I am not a perfect person, but I am trying to say hey can we try something here besides not talking and staying mad at each other forever? I don't have all the answers but I was trying to look past the past. She said to me I can't see past how you were in teh past. I said I was a kid, behaving as a kid trying to growing in a messed up house. I was surviving. I was not your parents I was a sister not the one responsible for believing you or protecting you. The adults in the house let us both down. If you can't see past that I dont know where we do. She had no answer but just got madder. I t was a no win situation i guess.
I do want my sister in my life but I don't think she wants hers. I guess I will have to wait and see. I really don't know what else to do.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:813053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/813253.html