Posted by DAisym on February 16, 2008, at 14:35:17
In reply to Re: Took A Risk And Got Burned :( Poss triggerslon » rskontos, posted by gardenergirl on February 16, 2008, at 13:24:07
My guess is that you scared her. You scared her with your bravery of wanting to think about things and talk about things. These are painful things and she took her hurt to an angry place = but at the wrong person, imo.
Three years ago (maybe 4 now?) my little sister called me and just hammered on me. She told me about her abuse and how it was all my fault. I was the big sister, I was the perfect one and I functioned as her mother. So why didn't I protect her? I had no answers for her, I just listened and let her dump. She didn't and still doesn't know what happened to me. What was I supposed to say - "he only touched you, he did xyz to me"? Because you can't compare trauma. And she was right, I didn't tell and I didn't protect her. The fact that I didn't know about it carried no weight at that time. It hurt like he**.
It took a long time but gradually we are friends again - not close, intimates, the way sisters might be, but we laugh together. I think she will always be a drama queen and need me to care for her and it won't be reciprocal...but that's where it is right now.
I'm hoping that in that quiet space just before sleep, that your sister realizes how hard it must have been for you to call. I hope she appreciates you reaching out. Perhaps you've set into motion her own healing.
In the meantime, give yourself credit for what you did and don't let her make you feel worse. Sort through her crud, take the nuggets of knowledge and leave the rest on her end of the phone. And yes, cry. Because she hurt you. Because she hurts too. Because neither of you should have had the childhood you did. I'm sad for you. Doesn't it feel like sometimes you never really stop paying for the past?
poster:DAisym
thread:813053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/813128.html