Posted by Dinah on December 3, 2007, at 21:11:25
In reply to Not much help, posted by sunnydays on November 30, 2007, at 16:57:25
From what you've said about him, I'm thinking that he has your best interests in mind. That doesn't always mean that we'll *feel* good. I'm guessing he's seeing you in pain and struggling.
I don't think he means to be negative about you, and I'm sure he likes you as a person.
FWIW, I think most behavior is manipulative in the sense you're meaning it. Aren't babies born with those soft curves and big eyes to elicit caring and nurturing responses from those around us? See? It's inborn. People who achieve might be looking for approval and caring. People who miss others may be looking not to be left. People who are caring might be looking to get warmth from the people they care for. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a certain response and trying to get it. But there might be room in there to occasionally evaluate our efforts to see if they're in our best interests and if they're actually eliciting the result we want. Not just the direct result, but the overall life result. I think it's Linehan who says that borderlines don't manipulate more often than others, they're just not as good at it. I'm not saying you're borderline of course. I just like the theory on manipulation.
It's possible that your mother may have handed on a few of her methods, and a lack of others. Or maybe she didn't. I really have no way to know. But even if it's true, it doesn't say anything about your character, just your education to date in matters emotional. And that's why we're in therapy, right?
poster:Dinah
thread:797492
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/798619.html