Posted by littleone on December 1, 2007, at 14:46:49
In reply to Re: Sorry, many questions, many good answers, posted by Muffled on November 29, 2007, at 22:17:42
> *I just don't know how it works? How it feels? Alls I know is my own experience, and as I look into it, I am realizing that my way of experiencing the world is not the average way. So I just wonder how it is for most? How it feels for them. Then maybe I can feel that way too. Learn to feel and remember normally. But I not sure what normal is.
Hi muffled,
I have struggled a fair bit recently with my lack of memories and how I remember things. My T and I had a talk the other day about state dependant memories. It's still upsetting me inside.
I too have tried to understand what "normal" memories are like and I too haven't yet been able to understand what "normal" memories should look/sound/feel/etc like.
I find it all very distressing. I think that having very few memories, having no continuous history, is very disruptive (and damaging?) to one's sense of self. I sometimes feel like I only started to exist a few days ago with a database of historical facts encoded in my head.
I obviously can't tell you what is right for you, but I think I know that for me, even if someone came to me and told me what normal memories are like and how they feel to re-experience, I don't think it would help. I don't think I could *learn* how to remember and feel. I think that these would be by-products of learning something else entirely.
If my problems are because of state dependant memories (which I'm not really ready to admit yet), then I think the answer lies in working with the parts to reduce the separation between and increase the connection between them. Even as I write that I think "and what exactly does that mean - how are you supposed to do that?" and I don't know.
> This is what my T wrote:
> "You have been very and I mean very skilled at keeping things separate, split. This is perhaps how you have managed to keep going."I like your T. These simple words bring up big feelings in me. I too find that seeing my T's written words has a much different impact on me than hearing his words.
> I just want to know who I am.
yeah. we'll get there.
Oh, and PS, I meant to ask you if it's only old stuff you don't remember properly, or whether it's nowaday stuff you can't remember either? Even with present day experiences, I can only remember things for somewhere between a few hours to maybe 5 or so days and then it's gone. I don't even have memories for stuff a week old. Is it like that for you?
poster:littleone
thread:797701
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/798123.html