Posted by muffled on December 3, 2007, at 13:43:46
In reply to Re: Sorry, many questions, many good answers » Muffled, posted by littleone on December 1, 2007, at 14:46:49
> > *I just don't know how it works? How it feels? Alls I know is my own experience, and as I look into it, I am realizing that my way of experiencing the world is not the average way. So I just wonder how it is for most? How it feels for them. Then maybe I can feel that way too. Learn to feel and remember normally. But I not sure what normal is.
>
> Hi muffled,*HI LO!!!
> I have struggled a fair bit recently with my lack of memories and how I remember things. My T and I had a talk the other day about state dependant memories. It's still upsetting me inside.*:-( Sorry
> I too have tried to understand what "normal" memories are like and I too haven't yet been able to understand what "normal" memories should look/sound/feel/etc like.*Its seeming there is quite a range of what people remember...
> I find it all very distressing. I think that having very few memories, having no continuous history, is very disruptive (and damaging?) to one's sense of self. I sometimes feel like I only started to exist a few days ago with a database of historical facts encoded in my head.*cool description. I dunno how it works for me day to day, its making me nervous so i think I skip this for now.
But definately, no history=who the hell am I?
> I obviously can't tell you what is right for you, but I think I know that for me, even if someone came to me and told me what normal memories are like and how they feel to re-experience, I don't think it would help. I don't think I could *learn* how to remember and feel. I think that these would be by-products of learning something else entirely.*good point. I think either we will, or won't remember, or it may be a matter of time, or finding and communicating with a part than does remember.....
> If my problems are because of state dependant memories (which I'm not really ready to admit yet), then I think the answer lies in working with the parts to reduce the separation between and increase the connection between them. Even as I write that I think "and what exactly does that mean - how are you supposed to do that?" and I don't know.*I need to look this up...state dependant memories, I think I know what it means. It means that each part has its own database?
> > This is what my T wrote:
> > "You have been very and I mean very skilled at keeping things separate, split. This is perhaps how you have managed to keep going."
>
> I like your T. These simple words bring up big feelings in me. I too find that seeing my T's written words has a much different impact on me than hearing his words.* I like my T too :-)
Yes, written is good. Combination is better.
It made me feel weird too, validated, but at the same time sad.> > I just want to know who I am.
>
> yeah. we'll get there.*I hope so LO. At least have a measure of inner peace anyways.
> Oh, and PS, I meant to ask you if it's only old stuff you don't remember properly, or whether it's nowaday stuff you can't remember either? Even with present day experiences, I can only remember things for somewhere between a few hours to maybe 5 or so days and then it's gone. I don't even have memories for stuff a week old. Is it like that for you?*I can remember day to day stuff mostly. I forget alot. When I go to T, and she would say, "how was your week?", I'd sit there, and think and think, and finally say....I dunno. She started doing it again, I need to remind her not to do that. I need simple specific questions, then sometimes I can come up with an answer. If I work hard and concentrate, then i can eventually figger out my week and remember it to some extent. But I really have to work at it. I dunno why this is.
You memories are just GONE? Are they retrievable if you work at it? Or if you read stuff you've written, can you partly remember? I feel SO fortunate,in that I feel that *I*, whoever this is....am usu on hand at most times to some degree, so I(this mind) has reasonable continuity and not big blanks very often.
Thanks for your post LO. Its good and thot provoking and helps. I hope some of this stuff is useful for you too.
Take good care,
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:797701
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/798499.html