Posted by rskontos on November 30, 2007, at 10:04:43
In reply to Re: Sorry, many questions, many good answers, posted by Muffled on November 29, 2007, at 22:17:42
Yeah I know. The voices in my head were really bad last night and I had dreams without really being asleep like my brain was flashing all my day in front of me without me falling completely asleep. Have you seen that show Chuck were he has a flash of the computer thing that was supposedly downloaded into his brain it was kinda of like that like. But I was still talking to myself and the voices were talking to and I could repeat what they were saying but now I can't and couldnt when I woke up but I do remember my dreams. I remember my dreams so vividly I can tell what I dreamt a couple nights ago but I can't remember what happened to me as a kid?
Then I started to think about people and I realize I don't relate to them either. Like when they aren't around I dont think about them. I have to make myself. I guess or I hope over time I would but who knows.. i have a good friend I have know 7 years and she told me the other day that she always has felt if she pushed me I would be gone and never come back. I guess that is why I don't right now worry about my T because I don't mostly think about her when she is gone. Because that is what I do. Have always done because mom you didnt want to think about her and her moods which were very BAD. She went bad and forth in her moods like the wind blows. The only place that was safe was in your head. So I don't feel normal and that is why I went to T in the first place cause I finally said why dont I feel like other people. They would laugh at stuff I didn't know why so I would laugh but didn't feel like it just did. At first with my babies I had to work at feeling but then I did fall in love but worried would they too hurt me one day. It was hard to be a mom not knowing how as my mom was not a real one. But they are ok kids, 19 and 15 and doing ok even if I didn't know how to be a good one since I only knew about moms from TV and books. I read lots to escape too. I knew about relationships from books but that isn't real either and doesn't help you know how to do it either. So I guess that is what I learned when you close the book it is over so when the people go away it is over like my books or tv shows. It is sad but I guess it is the way I grew up. Now how to change I was wondering if I can. Seems hard. Awareness doesn't equal know how does it?
I don't know how many yet. I am just aware of them. Like last night it kinda of blew me away to hear all the talking. Too back you can tape record inside your head to recall the next day. I wasn't asleep because the dog was moving around, I could hear the house settling.
I am glad it better for you. I understand wanting to know who you are. Me too, I never had the time or opportunity to know. At least we will allow our children to know themselves. I hope.
That is good you remember the good stuff. I dont. Climbing trees is a good thing. I liked swinging too. Tree swings were great too.......
Take care you are really searching and I believe you will find. You may not know you are but you are a good person that comes through loud and clear.rk
poster:rskontos
thread:797701
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/797813.html