Posted by Muffled on November 28, 2007, at 14:12:17
In reply to Re: processing? **maybe trigger** » Muffled, posted by antigua3 on November 28, 2007, at 7:20:46
> You're breaking my heart because you struggle so much. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you and make it all go away. But I can't, and the only way is through.
*I struggle so much, that what my T says. I expect its my own damn fault though. I be too chicken, I just goto get down to business. Thanks for magic wand wish :-) I think you smart cuz that what I been wishing for!!!! But guess its not so. Only way is thru :-(
> Yes, that little kid is part of you and I think you already know that. She has the words and/or feelings to tell. Try to let her tell, no matter how, as Daisy suggested.*I think thats what I gotta do. Not so easy though. Diff parts respond differently. The way I am at T? I don't even know to be honest, but I think I am very alert and careful I expect. And if I KNOW T is trying to engage kid, then someone shuts it down. Kid has come out lots unexpectedly when T talks bout something kid likes.
> I hated my little girl for the longest times. I wanted to kill her off because she seemed so pathetic in my eyes, and didn't have a lot to do with me. One day, and I don't know how, I stopped hating her and wanted to help her. I used one of my older girls to help her. You see, the littlest one really doesn't talk, she's just a pathetic, disgusting mess and represents the most hurting part of me.*Hmmm. We no longer want her to die. This is agreed. But we still don't like her. We just want her to shut up and stop wrecking us. Not very nice eh? She not very human to us.
>
> Just keep trying. I've spent years just reciting events, but sometimes now I can have the feelings too, which my T says is better. Rationally, I know this, but emotionally I'd rather be flat--it's much less painful.*Sigh. Hard , hard, hard.
I wished it weren't so hard.
Wish we could just say and it magically goes away.
>
> We are all here for you and we care a lot. Try to steer clear of self-destructive behavior. That may be coming from one of your kids, and you may be close, close to something because you recently got pushed over the edge with that teeny relapse.
> antigua*Bless you fpor that lovely post Antigua. Thats what I see so much of babblers helping each other.
This stuff is HUGE what you guys tell me. HUGE. I honestly dunno how I'd progress at all thru therapy w/o your guys help.
Thanks, and take care,
Muffled
poster:Muffled
thread:797346
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/797452.html