Posted by Muffled on November 28, 2007, at 13:46:47
In reply to Re: and what if, posted by Daisym on November 27, 2007, at 22:40:04
> My therapist would say it is OK to talk about stuff in parts and pieces. You can talk from that place - or you can narrate - like watching a TV screen and telling what you are seeing. I started out hating all the different ages and things I was feeling. Now I am more compassionate, but not always. And I struggle and struggle with feeling young and regressed - I want to own all this crud - I just can't yet.
*So I can say it w/o owning it????? Well thats good to know, cuz I been trying to do both. I am better w/Thatkid, but still not great...
Those are some good ideas daisy thx.
I was thinking too, that cuz I don't have alot of details or awhole lot to report, well, for me, maybe its not so important, the details, cuz in reality I doubt I will get much. But maybe its helpful in undertanding WHY I have the behaviours I do, and all the false stuff I truly deep in my heart beleive bout myself.(leper, disgusting etc).> We've been working on a trigger from when I was 6. It is a very big deal my therapist says - and yet it isn't the "worst" thing that happened to me. So I'm struggling a lot. My vocabulary deserts me and I'm left with little kid words to describe adult acts. It makes me feel stupid.
*((( Daisy ))) Yeah, and way of describing is VERY limited for me. Mostly it comes down to how she felt.
> But --
>
> I'm telling. I'm telling "her" stories. I'm telling them angry and sad and with tears. I tell them flat and with no emotion. But I'm telling.*you are a very brave woman daisy. I do admire you. I appreciate that you want to help others.
>
> It is a relief to tell. Scary - terrifying - and a huge relief. I make my therapist promise all the time that he won't tell anyone else. He always does.*Told my T too. Said she can't say nothing. I beleive she won't. I did say a bit in a freak out the other day, my did say, 'now how does that feel?'. It just felt weird. Felt like nothing. I was too freaked anyhow. Now I just want it to go away.
>
> I think you should tell what you can, when you can.*Thats the thing, I avoiding. Thats my M.O. Avoid, deny. I been avoidning for MANY years. I fear if I wait too long one of these days I may not make it. So I just goto do it. I WAS getting ready, but then kids sick etc. Then so I miss a week, and then hard to reconnect again. I wrote some stuff to her, but now I afraid to go back and read it.
>
> I'm sorry - if I knew of another way - I promise I'd tell you. Believe me, I've looked for one. The only way out is through.*Sigh. I pretty much trust you daisy. I expect you've looked into it. I just gresping at straws. And I didn't honestly have full awareness that there was something. So its hard cuz I afraid if there's more, cuz I kinda split some. But I reckon its just I just have the genetics for it, and I honed it down to a fine art during frightening asthmatic episodes is all. But its a little worrysome.
But it comes down to not so much details I think, as just reasons for my behaviours and accepting Thatkid and helping her feel better I guess.
Thanks.
Muffled
poster:Muffled
thread:797346
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/797442.html