Posted by Muffled on November 28, 2007, at 14:02:38
In reply to Re: and what if muffled, posted by star008 on November 28, 2007, at 6:30:54
> oh Muffled.. I am so sorry.. I know pretty much how you feel. I have to agree with Daisy..The way out is through.. I hated all of them too.. Made me feel yuck..Just yuck.. It took along time not to hate them all..Sometimes I find a part of me that still does hate them
*Yuck is right. I am sorry there are so many out there that understand this stuff. Yes, we do indeed hate Thatkid, with a passion.
//But, have you ever hated a kid?? Really hated a kid?? was not her fault cuz kids are just kids.. YOu know that..
**sigh there is so much that a part of me knows , but which other parts do not seem to understand or accept. I need ALL of me to accept some basic stuff.
Yeah, she a kid I guess, but God what she feels is so sick. Its like she not even human, like maybe she is inhuman, or was, or something, I dunno. Just don't much like it.>It is the mean part of yourself that hates her.
*ALL of me hates her, is unwilling to accept her. There is ONE part that seems willing to try, but even she agrees that THatkid is swampweed. But at least she has tried.
>I felt that way for a long time..But then I started to feel a little guilty..She is just a kid and I am mean to her and treat her like sh...t. She is stuck in time and never asked to be htere..
*thats bout the ONLY thing that gets to me...'she never asked to be there...' I dunno.
>I know u don't want to take care of her..Don't want to hear anything she has to say,,, but she is a kid.. remember that..I know it is hard for you to listen to this sh...t , but I have been where you am.. Am still there in alot of ways..I don't ahve the answers for this.. I do know it can take years to process.. Processing has to do with getting to know the kids and somehow you live with them or integrate them.. They don't have to integrate for you to get better though.
*Sigh. Makes me REALLy tired trying to work with them. I still won't let T see them. She has, but I dunno if she knew it. T has tried to connect, but either I get all embarassed or the kid runs off, or someone shuts the kid down...
>
> Do you just have one kid??? I would suspect there are more that you don't know about.. Don't be surprised if you find more..I have 6 that I know of..Each one has their own stuff.. I don't know where they were all those years.. I haven't known they were all with me for that long.. a few years maybe..But they are there since the age they are when you see them.. YOu ahve an idea of how old she is..*there's more than one. Sometimes it hard to tell if its all one and the same one in some instances. But there are at least some that are very distinct to me.
>
> hugs muffled*Thx
>
> You can't punch walls.. that wouldn't make sense.. You will jsut break your hand and then have to go through all that stuff.. It does get better.. But it takes so damn long..*Punch walls....well..stupidly, for me, the worst would be lying about it to others...the rest I don't care. Would serve many good puposes otherwise. And it would heal, yes it would heal, mostly. Many purposes indeed.
> I hope I can hope you out a little.. As hard as it is try to soften up a bit towards her.. Just try to put away the anger and get a sense of what she is about..Really Muffled,, I know every bit how awful and terrbile this is but you gotta get through it for your children..They need their mom..*Thanks for this post, I could feel how you were trying so hard to get across bout them inside kids, and my T tries too. Its a real stumbling block for me. I will mention that to T. I bet you did help, bet someone in me read this and mebbe will soften.
Muffled
poster:Muffled
thread:797346
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/797448.html