Posted by Muffled on November 27, 2007, at 17:48:21
So this I not so sure I understand.
"trauma processing".
Of course I have read about it.
But is there ANY easier way?
My truama not so bad.
Limited memory.
I so admire people who can say their 'stuff'.
I DON"T WANT TO say HER stuff. The sick dog kid in me. Butt hse haunt and haunt me and I want to self destruct, but I won't, but I want to when the feelings come.
And I done ok, wellllll, mebbe not so OK, but I survived lotsa years w/o really thinking of it. Stored away. Not mine.
But I am starting to come to understand that I have in fact one body. ONE BODY. This is the ONLY body I have ever had. This body was once a child. SH*T. See I was never a child. But I HAD to be, cuz this is my body. Its all so confusing. So the bad thing is, is if this is my body, and this body was child, then this is the body that F*CK THIS, but anyways, this body is the body involved in the memory pic. THIS body? But this body is my body and my head hurts and I get dizzy.
This sucks.
So I guess question is: Do I then tell of what little memory I have of Thatkid and her body? Does it have to do anything with me? Can't I just hate that sick kid? Is it OK to punch a rock wall to express her pain, cuz its not mine, and she got no other way to say it, cuz she can't talk.
I am confused.
I dunno.
Missed T the previous week cuz kids sick. This week I just had a walk w/her so I could see her and not lose her, but didn't want to talk bout nothing.
I don't never want to talk.
Here's a story I sent her:
But its like I got a big black cloud over me, and there's people in the cloud w/guns waiting to get me. I just wannna say 'shoot me you bastards', but I want to be here w/my kids, so I run away from the black cloud, but its following me, and them guys is laughing at me, cuz they figger they gonna get me yet. But I can't give up. But I can't go back.But I ascared to go forwards. So I hiding under a bush, hoping that damn cloud don't get me. Goto keep quiet so them guys don't get me.
I toooooo scared.
I tired of hiding under the bush.
M
poster:Muffled
thread:797346
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/797346.html