Posted by Dory on October 7, 2007, at 9:46:52
In reply to Re: i am in hell, posted by muffled on October 6, 2007, at 22:25:24
i went out for a while yesterday but it burned.. i mean, being with people felt like i was being burned inside. Usually it helps some.. better when with people i know. In a random crowd i begin to feel burning
i'm supposed to have thanksgiving dinner at a friend's house today and a cousin's tomorrow. i can't do it. i can't imagine trying to talk about crap when i really want to scream... i see people walking on the street and i want to shake them and make them see how my world is. i know that i don't know what their world is like, but i can't stop myself from thinking about how happy they all look. People holding hands, window shopping... doing just boring everyday stuff without even thinking about what they have.. people take their joys for granted. They think joy is some sort of big deal thing, like a party, like a special night or something elaborate. They don't know that joy is about everyday stuff. Happiness isn't a place you get to eventually, like some kind of rest home.. it's here then gone then back again during the tedious minutes of every day that no one pays attention to...
i watch people. i watch what they do and how they move. i watch their body language. i don't understand what i am lacking.
if i can feel so much pain.. isn't it only fair that i should get to feel some love too?
life isn't fair though. life isn't about fair.
i can't think about some stuff muffled.. i know you care and that matters more. The place i am in mentally and emotionally is an accute thing... sharp, barbed. Can't move or it rips me apart. At some point the things you suggested will help, but not yet.
it still matters that you said them anyway
poster:Dory
thread:787314
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/787533.html