Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2007, at 11:03:21
In reply to Re: one down one to go » Dinah, posted by gazo on April 2, 2007, at 10:33:27
> that is a VERY good point, and very true i think. i guess what i want, that i can't just say is that i need him to "get" how hurt i must be under all of this. i look and act so great, i don't look hurt. i did tell him that he has to hear what i don't say in between what i do and i begged him to ask me questions.. and about details. I suppose i do wish he could read my mind, wouldn't that be nice! But i think what i am wanting right now is for him to be able to just pick up on the fact that i am beggin for help in here somewhere. i cannot verbalize some things and i want him to be looking for that and to just ask me more to prompt me.
Then you do know what you want, and while you might need to remind him from time to time, I think you can do that.
I've often told my therapist "I know I don't look like it, but I'm really hurting and I need you to really really understand that." He tends to rush to understand that, because to my shame, if I don't feel heard by him I sometimes try to express how I feel by other methods than words. It's taken me a long time to be able to just say it rather than act it out.
I also tell him what I tend to do when I'm unable to express myself and ask him to prod me a bit when he sees those signs. I would like him just to know, but he can't so I have to give him clues. We even worked out a hand signal, but we never use it.
> you gave me something to think about though. What am i supposed to do when i can't name what it is i need? That is where i am at a lot. Can't connect with it enough to know, but have a strong sense of desperation. i know i need *something.*
Then you say exactly that. You might want to even keep a written version of that on hand, in case you can't even find those words.
I'm not saying it's not possible that he won't be the therapist for you. And that you won't have ways of knowing that.
By the way, while I've gotten reasonably good at telling him what I need, or that I don't know what I need but what he's giving me isn't it, I am still apt to get angry when he doesn't recognize what he's done to make me angry. He laughs at me and says I'm like his wife "If you don't know what's wrong, I'm certainly not going to tell you." And then he sits patiently while until I blurt out his offense and we talk about not only what he's done but the meaning I've given it.
He doesn't say so outright, but I suspect that he's telling me that this is therapy and therapy is the place where we learn to use words to express things.
poster:Dinah
thread:746201
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/746239.html