Posted by Happyflower on March 5, 2007, at 17:22:12
okay I am going to try not to get blocked again. I am feeling so much stuff I don't know what to really think. My emotions are running high, I am afraid to post again on here because of that, but someone babblemail me please if I am getting too emotional.
First I feel tricked by my T. Yes I agreed that it is time to terminate, but then I changed my mind, but he keeps going forward with it even with my reluctence. Last session 3 weeks ago, he says after we have been seeing each other every other week, and trying to get me to go every 3 weeks previous sessions, he says how about a month? Then of course I say NO! and then he goes how about 3 weeks then, and I said yes not thinking. I think he tricked me. He got me didn't he? I am not mad, but he is clever isn't he?
Well I see him tomorrow. I am reluctant to go now. It was so hard to go 3 weeks, and I don't know if I want to go through with that feeling again, so why go again? Anger, sadness, and anger again. I miss him so much. Am I done with therapy, yes I think so , but I am not done with him.
It comes down to this. I am doing okay with my life except my marriage. I know I am doing the right thing financially, emotionally for my kids. But I miss being loved and loving. So I am living this way until things are better. So what can my T do? So I guess I am done with therapy for now because everything else is going well. But I feel like I still need him, maybe not to change my way of thinking (cognitive)but for support or as a mentor as I go through my life. But why should I pay him for being with me because I am just too adorable for me to pay him. He should pay me. How can he let little happyflower go? Won't his life be worse off if I leave? Please don't answer, I know the answers, I just don't want to face it. I am so sad. Losing him feels worse than the reasons were to bring me to therapy.
I don't know what to say tomorrow. I just want to crawl up in a ball and shut everyone out of my life. Will he rescue me if I play dead? Will he still want to play with me? I know that is no way to be, I see my defective cognitive thoughts here, I don't need him to tell me that. But what about how I feel? How can you I feel any different? Or is it I am just sad because I am losing him? Is that a misthought? Or is it just what it is? Sadness? My heart hurts. :-( Do you think he knows that?
poster:Happyflower
thread:738547
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/738547.html