Posted by Happyflower on March 8, 2007, at 18:15:32
In reply to Re: HAPPYFLOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! » Happyflower, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 8, 2007, at 7:45:51
Hi Lurpsie,
Nothing you said in your post hurts me, a lot of this stuff was discussed in
therapy many times. I really appreciate that you would go out of you way to reply to me because I know that you are going through some tough times yourself.This is what my plan is, (while I do have a choice). I know what you are saying about setting an example for my kids. One good thing is that most of the hostility isn't in front ot the kids, we are both making an effort on that. But even when we were happily married my kids would hear us argue once in a while. My kids don't know the circumstances of our marriage and I don't plan on burdening them with. In my circumstance it is mostly just a dead marriage, he isn't abusing me or anything and we aren't fighting even, it is just dead. Now I know they aren't seeing an example of a "happy marriage" right now, but they have seen it before. Usually durning a divorse things do tend to get worse and it does take a long time before they will see a good example of a remarried happy couple either with me or my husbands future partner. So right now I have time on my side, and my T agree's that as long as things don't get worse between my DH and I , that I am doing the best thing for a lot of reasons.
One would be financial, I have been a SAHM for since my children have been born, so my job oppertunities are not very good right now. That is why I am going to college to improve myself in that respect. Also there is an unexpected large inheritence that my husband is getting in the next two years. As his wife I am entitled to half of his share. Please don't anyone bash me on this because my DH is the one who deceided to screw up our marriage, so I don't feel guilty about it. I have put over 13 years with him and I do need the money to help raise my kids. That is what I would do with the money, buy a house and continue to go to college to obtain my degree so I can get a good job.
The decision to have me stay at home was made by the both of us for the sake of the kids. I was
working professionally making almost as much money as him when I got pregnant. If he stayed home, I would probably be making as much money or more than he is now, so I feel I have paid my dues.
It is still hard to do this I know emotionally. I miss the good and even the bad parts of being married. My heart is sort of dead in a way because he was everything to me, but when he deceided my love wasn't good enough and went with another, my love slowly disapeared. I still like him, he is a good father, but I no longer love him. It has taken me over 2 years to get to that point.
Then the other part is that my kids adore their father. In most cases, fathers only get visitation. I don't care how often it is, it isn't the same as having your dad with you everydday. I could never do that to my kids or even deprive my husband of the kids. Right now we are their world and I am just not willing to break their hearts. I believe it will probably be a little easier when they make more connections to friends and break away from us like most kids do when they get older. By then I will have my financial affairs taken care of, and have a more stable home and life plan to offer them.
I know I could end things tonight, but right now I have some choices, and I am willing to put part of my life on hold for the benefit of my kids. If things get worse, I may have to reassess the conditions. So as you can see (and I haven't spoke about everything) I have worked a lot of this stuff out with my T . It really sucks but I feel for now it is my best option.As far as my T is concerned, I will be leaving therapy, but I have a feeling I will have some sort of relationship with my T . It isn't 100%, so I need to prepare like the end is the end, but I do believe it probably won't be the end.
I know a lot of people disagree with me on this issue, but it is what I am plan to do in the meantime, but I do plan to divorse him in the next 3 years 100%.
poster:Happyflower
thread:738547
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/739368.html