Posted by Jost on March 1, 2007, at 17:27:18
In reply to Re: update » Dinah, posted by annierose on March 1, 2007, at 16:28:23
Hi, annierose.
Forgive me if I sound likek the devil's advocate--. But I wanted to give another perspective.
Your T could and should have been much more tactful and sensitive in how she put things, but I've been through some things with my T that have given me a lot of pause about situations like this. I mean if it is anything like what it has been at times for me.
Sometimes, Ts start to feel that someone does things that are counterproductive (or even destructive) in the world-- ie acts in ways that don't create the best situation for themselves. The T can feel that s/he (the T) is angry, but that this anger is similar to what other people may feel== unconsciously, or at a much less clear level, but somehow other people may react defensively or not as well as they could-- that you suffer or lose out as a result.
So while my T, anyway, was expressing a lot of anger and being really hurtful-- and he himself acknowledged that he wished he could have handled it better----he was also feeling pressed to things he heard me saying. He was out of control, to a degree, but he also was feeling like he didn't know what to do. (In my case, maybe I wasn't hearing him when he was handling it less egregiously-- and it took his egregiousness to get my attention)
This might not be what's going on with you and your T-- or by any means not to the degree it was with me== I'm extremely bullheaded and resistant when I I don't agree and can evade things really impressively (not in a good way, I'm not happy about it, but I can put up an impenetrable wall of rational rejection or irrational despair).
Your T sounds like maybe she's jumping the gun, or is a bit on the impatient or even sharptongued side--as others said.
But maybe she's also trying to use her sharpness, rather than softening it== in the hope that it might lead to progress for you. Maybe she's jumping the gun for what needed at this moment. For me, it took a lot of pressure--and turmoil, and trust that my T had proven over years that his caring was real-- for me to listen to the content, and not the way it seemed. (I do also tend to hear things as hurtful, when they're more ambiguous) It's a dicey strategy if anything else would work. So maybe your T was also having a bad week-- but maybe it was partly that she wanted you to think about how you do affect people.
Whatever it is, the other T's advice sounds so right-- think about the whole relationship, whether she's earned trust or not-- before you even consider stopping this quickly. This could be something to work out-- whether it's her overreaction, or her trying to tell you something important, even misguidedly.
If she has shown real caring, it's still there. Don't disregard that, because it's not something one comes by so easily. Even if she is grumpy and ill-tempered-- maybe you can get through it to something much better.
Honore
poster:Jost
thread:737087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/737410.html