Posted by annierose on February 28, 2007, at 16:11:27
Right now I am in a bad place in therapy with my therapist. It's a terrible place to be in especially when I feel my therapist took a vulnerable remark I made, made her OWN assumptions about my feelings and now we're both at odds with one another.
After a week's vacation (mine) I returned to therapy to have one appointment canceled by my t (and she was not able to reschedule it - whereas in the past, she ALWAYS did) and another appointment that I requested to be switched from Friday to Thursday denied.
Then she cherrily asked, "So how was your vacation?" I paused maybe 3 minutes and said, "I feel like you don't have time for me anymore." She replied, "It's not about you." I thought and thought - what an odd reply - I just said something that was hard for me to admit and she repeated again, "It's not about you." I said, "It's just hard to understand in the past it was never a problem, so I'm feeling that you don't have time for me anymore." She let me know that her Thursdays are now completely booked with standing appointments. Which is probably completely true - but can't I still express my disappointment? And shouldn't I?
The whole session was me trying to figure out what I was feeling, while she said little. Finally she said, "I think these are old feelings bubbling up." That comment further confused me, "SO WHAT?" --- it didn't feel helpful.
Basically she said when I am angry, I run with it. And that she felt attacked and wouldn't be "a whipping board". I saw her yesterday as well when I tried to further understand her point of view and she tried to convince me that I'm this terrible angry person.
First of all, I was so calm and reflective on Monday. On Tuesday I was more much talkative and angry and hurt. She kept telling me that I didn't understand how I come off to other people and it's her job to point this out. Geeze - don't you think you can be nice about it? But I felt attacked, especially since I was so darn calm on Monday.
I called her today and feel even worse. This is the closest I have been to quitting. She clearly didn't want to talk to me on the phone. She kept repeating, "I know how hard it is to hear this but I think we should look at where this takes us." She also said, "You have a sharp tongue." Ouch. Is that a theraputic term used to address a client?
And isn't anger good sometimes? Should I be passive right now and say, "Oh I'm so sorry your feelings are hurt," (which I did say on Tuesday - I actually said, "I'm sorry you feel this way" which is closer to the truth). Does she want me to say, "Let's forget the whole thing. Let me tell you about my wonderful vacation."
Can't anger be used for good?
If I quit therapy, I feel I gave it my best shot this time. I was courageous, I held little back. I will have no regrets. That means a great deal to me right now.
poster:annierose
thread:737087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/737087.html