Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2007, at 17:13:04
In reply to Anger and hurt, posted by annierose on February 28, 2007, at 16:11:27
Ouch.
It's hard to see how saying things in that way is the most helpful way to say them. It almost seems a bit sharp of tongue of her. :~
You've put in a lot of time with her. I'd try my best to work it out. This sort of thing, where she misinterprets what you say, has happened before, hasn't it? It seems to me like there's an undercurrent of that in your less harmonious times. And I can see how it would be hurtful to hear from someone you care about.
I'm going to suggest something that I've thought about doing in some of my more frustrated moments with my therapist, and even more with my husband (more in the past. He's worked hard to change.). And that is to keep a tape recorder running. I guess with her permission, although my fantasies are generally about secret tape recorders. :) Just keep it running every session, you can reuse the tapes. And if one of these situations come up, you can play it back and review it without the perceptions of each of the two people in the room coloring the raw data.
She might be coloring your comments with defensiveness. My therapist sometimes does this and surprises me with a response that seems totally out of keeping with what I thought I was saying.
Or it may be vaguely possible that you speak a bit more tartly than you "hear". Now mind you, I have no reason at all to suspect that. When I met you you didn't seem at all angry or sharp tongued, and I've never seen any indication of that in your everpatient posts.
But as I posted on the Parents Board, I was kind of shocked when I heard my voice coming from my son's mouth. I had never considered what I said to my dogs in any negative sort of way, since they never seemed to mind. So I know from personal experience that things can come out of *my* mouth that I can't believe came from my mouth.
If she'd agree to tape recordings, maybe even on the condition that she sees you erase the tape at the end of each session if the situation doesn't arise, you could get a "third person" and totally neutral viewpoint.
poster:Dinah
thread:737087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/737104.html