Posted by littleone on February 4, 2007, at 20:04:18
In reply to Re: I think......and thanks-Looooooooooooooong » littleone, posted by muffled on February 4, 2007, at 11:23:14
> *Sigh. Yeah, your right.....its just, I dunno, I all mixed up. Yeah, I just goto talk to T. I so pissed at myself that I couldn't do better than this though.
I kind of think that if you’re doing the best that you can – well, then you’re doing pretty good really. All you can do is your best. Whoever invented the word “should” – well everything I want to say about him/her would be considered uncivil.
Have a think back to when you first started with your T and she had her first break. Have a think about how you handled that break. I bet you found it really tough? And how long was that break? I bet it wasn’t as long as this one coming up? Even though you feel like you’re not doing too well over her upcoming break, I bet you’ve made big steps forward from how you used to be.
> *I just can't seem to hang onto whatever it is thats useful to me?
I know, I still struggle terribly with this. But I can see that it’s a bit better than it used to be a couple of years ago. I think that maybe as more of my parts become attached to my T, then maybe I’ll find it easier to hang on to him.
> *she's given me books, shells, handouts, stuff she's written. Mebbe something for that kid.
Maybe. Another maybe could be that she give you a note that encourages you to talk to and comfort that part. I know you find it incredibly hard, but it’s just a thought I had. Another maybe is that if that kid needs things to stay fresh, she could just loan you something while she’s away and gets it back afterwards. Then if she loaned it to you again for her next trip it would feel fresher than if you kept it all that time. Just another thought I had.
> Though I don't think she like me talking bout my 'people' much :(
I write bout them, but she seldom brings them up, and when she does, I get kinda defensive cuz I feel weird about it, and I feel like she don't approve cuz she said bout integration...That sounds like something you’ll need to talk to her about at some stage. I find it really crazy making to try and guess/assume what my T is thinking/feeling. It’s always worked out better for me to ask him outright what he thinks/feels.
> *Yeah. I guess I still deny. I can't seem to get past protection, or mebbe i don't want to? I dunno :( Way too scared.
That’s okay. Scared means you just have to go real slow. Denial is a great protection. It’s real hard to let go of our protections when we’re scared and feeling unsafe. I find that I cycle around back and forth between denial and believing. I think that’s pretty natural. And sometimes when that denial protection drops off again, you find you take a big step forward (like how I was just denying and then when I re-accepted the parts I could then write out the bad memory for my T – it’s like I clung to the denial because I was scared to take that step forward with the memory). Perhaps you’re clinging to the denial because you’re scared about stuff with your T going away?
> *kid just drives us NUTS. She such a wingnut. We dunno what ton do with her. She has weird feelings we don't like.
I haven’t heard the term wingnut for so long :). I guess you don’t have to like her feelings, you just have to acknowledge that she’s having them so they’re probably something that you’ll need to deal with at some stage (like how you don’t have to like taxes, but they’re there so you just deal with them). I’m not sure what exactly you mean by “weird feelings”. What feelings is that that she has?
> I feel like if I could just lay out all the pieces of my puzzle i would be able to put it together, but I can't see how it goes, but I feel like its in frint of my face but I not seeing it. I am blind.
Well described. I know what you mean. You’ll get there. When you get stuck, your T will help show you where the next piece might go.
poster:littleone
thread:728879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/729777.html