Posted by muffled on February 4, 2007, at 11:23:14
In reply to Re: I think......and thanks-Looooooooooooooong » muffled, posted by littleone on February 3, 2007, at 16:47:27
> Sending you warm healing vibes.
*thank you, though theres part of me that says I don't need/desrve such...
> You don't have to be all better for your T before she goes away. You just have to be honest with her. It's okay to let down your brave face and show her you're struggling. If it does cause her to worry, that's for her to handle. She has very good coping methods in place to deal with her own feelings and worries and whatnot. You don't have to protect her. You just need to be open and honest with her.*Sigh. Yeah, your right.....its just, I dunno, I all mixed up. Yeah, I just goto talk to T. I so pissed at myself that I couldn't do better than this though.
> And if you are open and honest with how you're struggling before she goes away, then you've both got a greater chance of implementing things to help you while she's away.
*ouch! Ya you right.
Reality :(
> I know how you feel when you say your T is dead to you on the weekends. But I'm telling you now that she does exist, that she is alive, that she is a wonderful T who cares for you and when you see her again, you will find her inside you again. She's actually not dead to you at all. You've just lost her. But she is still there inside you somewhere.*I just can't seem to hang onto whatever it is thats useful to me?
>
> Have you got something from your T that you can cuddle when she's not with you? If you do, pull it out and hold it and know that it came from her. That she gave it to you because she really cares about you and wants to help you. If you don't, maybe you could have a talk to her about getting something from her before she goes on her long break. It can really help a lot.*she's given me books, shells, handouts, stuff she's written. Mebbe something for that kid. Though I don't think she like me talking bout my 'people' much :(
I write bout them, but she seldom brings them up, and when she does, I get kinda defensive cuz I feel weird about it, and I feel like she don't approve cuz she said bout integration...
> Since you're running out of things to do on your list, you can borrow some things from my list if you think they could help. The big thing is to plan things in advance. I find it really hard to get up and do stuff if it isn't planned in advance.
>
> You could:
>
> - go to your local botanical gardens (I'm going to mine today)
>
> - have a look around a museum or art gallery
>
> - go to the zoo
>
> - look around the garden/park/wherever for interesting feathers or leaves or flowers or bugs or butterflies or lots of things.
>
> - read through a book aimed at the age of the part that needs comforting. Make sure it's a safe book with no triggers first.
>
> - blow some bubbles with one of those little bottles of detergent stuff.
>
> - if you really need a safe place to let you eyes water (and yes it is perfectly okay to let them water, they help let bad feelings out and stop you holding all your bad feelings inside your poor body. Sometimes it can make you feel a lot better - especially if you have a nice long nap afterwards), you could build a blanket fort to hide in. Nice and dark and warm and safe.
>
> - the other thing is, if have some privacy and don't want your eyes to water, but still feel real upset, you can wail. Make crying noises without the watery eyes. That can still help to let out the bad feelings. It helps if you hold a stuffed animal or something. It can feel like you're holding your upset part.
>
> Hope something here helps you a little.
>
> If you wanted, I would be more than happy to come visit you in your cave or the mossy place or anywhere else you like. Or if you'd feel safer on your own, I understand. I'll just send you caring vibes through the air.
>
> And yes, it WILL get better. I know you know this, and I know it too. I'm just adding my voice to your knowing this to make it stronger.**THANKS for ideas. Thanks for company.
>
> And yes, I do understand exactly what you're saying in your first post. I can totally relate.
>
> The other day I was trying to convince my T that I don't have parts, and I'd just been fooling us both and was thinking myself sick. But then I talk about the parts and they're right there even as I'm trying to convince him otherwise. Drives me crazy.PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO glad to hear that. I waffle back and forth. I convince myself that I just having parts for 'effect' or something, and I pretend I don't REALLY have them, but them I come up irrevocably against them :(
>
> And I have days where I don't want parts. I'm so TIRED of having parts. Especially trying to like them and accept them and heal.*ME TOO
>
> Pushing them away and getting stuck in denial bogs you down and things grind to a halt. Sometimes it can be away to avoid the hard work or avoid something else that feels threatening. You find healing through acceptance.*Yeah. I guess I still deny. I can't seem to get past protection, or mebbe i don't want to? I dunno :( Way too scared.
>
> Did you think of ways to soothe that little kid, or are you still struggling with that?*kid just drives us NUTS. She such a wingnut. We dunno what ton do with her. She has weird feelings we don't like.
>
> I'm sitting at the swings and the seesaw if you'd like to come over. There's some monkey bars here too and one of those merry go rounds you run and run and push around.
>
*I'm afraid to be a kid. I don't want to be little. Little is not good. I want to be big and tough and mean and dangerous.
Thank you,
I am thinking on all this.
I feel like if I could just lay out all the pieces of my puzzle i would be able to put it together, but I can't see how it goes, but I feel like its in frint of my face but I not seeing it. I am blind.
Sigh.
Thank you, I am trying hard to understand :(
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:728879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/729614.html