Posted by ElaineM on February 3, 2007, at 15:37:55
In reply to Re: The Next big Step :-) = update, posted by caraher on February 3, 2007, at 6:24:59
>>> But he's the only one who's ever given me flowers [only on special occasions though]. ANd he's the only man in my real-life who's said such nice things like that. :') [it's not what I'm used to and feels a little gross, but I appreciate him offering it]
>I hope you get used to being treated well. You deserve it.
Well, I don't always agree with that, but it *is* nice-feeling sometimes. See, I just knew he only wanted to treat me well. I knew it -- even underneath all the fear and my nervousness, and my social anxiety. I knew I was judging him too harshly because of old memories. And I know I've probably been overly sensitive the last while. But I need to just keep reminding myself that T is not Dad, T is not Them, T is not Him. T is only T -- who only wants to help and be kind.
>>>>>>> And I felt kinda rude cause I had no idea [I don't keep track of stuff like that] and I didn't have anything for him. I was thinking that maybe I'd just get him something neutral for Valentine's Day to make up for me not knowing.
>Don't feel bad. You did everything he could ask just by being there and accepting the flowers.
I felt guilty everytime I looked at the flowers. And I emailed him to say Thankyou, and apoligize for not really saying much then, for not giving him anything myself, and for not even hugging him, which was the least I could've done. But I said I didn't know if it was the right thing to do, cause I've never been in that situation before, and am a social reject with no intuition.
When he wrote back he said that it would've been the appropriate thing for me to do, and that he would've liked one (so I said I'll try do it next session), but that he knows I have problems speaking and thinking and reacting, in the moment, so I don't need to worry about asking if something is right or wrong, or ask him in the moment what would be the normal thing for me to do.
He did said that he should've warned me the day was coming so I could've prepared something myself. But that he wanted to look like a "big-shot" by being the one to remember. But I don't know what I can do now? Maybe try one of our old experiments for him like lunch or movie - I don't know. I don't think I'm well enough. [but as my friend only, of course.] Or maybe I should just stick to something "friend" around V day.
>>>>I'd be wary of sending him the wrong message if you do bring him something. You should only do it if you can be sure he wouldn't take it as a sign that you want your relationship to proceed in the wrong direction
Yes, it would have to be plain and small. Though I think that he realizes now that his feelings are something to just talk to with his T about, and not real in the same way. I'm not sure, but I don't think he would've mentioned them to his T, if he was still interested in possibly pursuing them. I don't think.
I wonder if LadyT will also change her mind about him now. She seemed to kinda hate him. She'll probably think he's not dangerous to be around now. I'll be glad to update her.
(((caraher))) I'm not disappearing now. But I will keep you informed :)
blove El
poster:ElaineM
thread:729230
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/729381.html