Posted by caraher on February 3, 2007, at 6:24:59
In reply to The Next big Step :-) = update, posted by ElaineM on February 2, 2007, at 22:36:05
> He thanked me for being in his life and being such a good person, and he said I'm a remarkable woman :')
It's so true. And more than that - you're a remarkable human being. (Which I say because I know sometimes you think of women as lesser beings, which you are NOT!)
>>> But he's the only one who's ever given me flowers [only on special occasions though]. ANd he's the only man in my real-life who's said such nice things like that. :') [it's not what I'm used to and feels a little gross, but I appreciate him offering it]
I hope you get used to being treated well. You deserve it.
>>> I panicked and said, "I won't bring them next time." cause I didn't want her to feel weird or something. I hope she wasn't really noticing, or thought I'd brought them in for show.]
That's so clever and thoughtful of you! You're so considerate to have done that - far more so than your T was, not even thinking his next client might hear or, if that was obvious, that she might feel slighted seeing another leave with flowers. You proved what your T said about you.
> And I felt kinda rude cause I had no idea [I don't keep track of stuff like that] and I didn't have anything for him. I was thinking that maybe I'd just get him something neutral for Valentine's Day to make up for me not knowing.
Don't feel bad. You did everything he could ask just by being there and accepting the flowers.
> ****I wonder if other people give their T's a little something on V-day?****
I never have but I'm sure many others do. It's certainly not something a T should expect! But you shouldn't do it out of a sense of obligation, and I'd be wary of sending him the wrong message if you do bring him something. You should only do it if you can be sure he wouldn't take it as a sign that you want your relationship to proceed in the wrong direction, and if you are not giving the gift because you feel you "owe" him one for his anniversary gift.
>> He said he felt weird being the "patient who confesses a secret" - that he's having a hard time being in that role instead. He said he had felt bad about not being completely forthright their last session, and he'd promised me he'd try. [One of the first things he said to me was, "You'll be so proud of me...."] I was. I am. I told him so. It was an amazingly brave thing for him to do.:)
>>> He hasn't told him everything yet, like specific things, but this is a huge, gigantic step.Yes. That's great! I'm happy about this and proud of YOU for insistently prodding your T in this direction.
> He said that his T seemed really supportive, and recommended that they increase the frequency of his sessions. He didn't want to, but I said to please try, and think of it as accepting his T's offer to recieve more care, and attention. And if he hates it after a trial, he can cut it back down again. So he said he thinks he will accept the offer (though he's not definite). [His T is away now for three weeks so the increase wouldn't start until he gets back]
That sounds promising, too, though it's too bad about the three weeks. Be sure to keep encouraging him to take advantage of that offer!
> [And my T is REALLY helping me with my medical situation right now. I've been so unwell the past few weeks and he's really stepping in and organzing what I need to do, and he's gonna deal directly with some of my doctors.]
Excellent! You need and deserve this kind of help!
>>> He can't be so bad. He's not as bad. There's worse men, who are worse and do worse, and he's not like that. He could be but he's not. I don't want to be afraid of all. I want him on my side.
(((El))) I don't think even his worst critic here would claim he doesn't do good things. You've undoubtedly been around a lot of men who have been truly horrible to you, and I totally understand why you want him on your side. I'm glad someone gives you flowers and says to your face that you're remarkable and kind.
> I don't know if anyone cares, but I thought I'd follow-up cause even *I* was wondering if he'd really go through with the next step like he said.
We care! And please keep us informed... you're not betraying anyone by doing this. You've always been extremely careful to maintain his anonymity.
I'm so happy things seem to be looking up! (((EL)))
poster:caraher
thread:729230
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/729276.html