Posted by Scentedgarden on January 27, 2007, at 11:29:07
In reply to Whoops. Link was wrong., posted by Dinah on January 27, 2007, at 10:15:19
Dear Dinah...
I ALSO WANT TO SAY THANKS TO YOU FOR CARING AND SHARING AND HELPING ME WITH BEARING WITH THIS BURDEN....
HELPING ME WALK ON , AND BE SAFE AND MANAGE TO BREATHE AGAIN WITH LESS PAIN IN EACH BREATHE...
i'M SOBBING MY SELF HERE ...
BUT IN A RELIEVED WAY I HOPE...SINCE ITS BEEN HORRIFIC WHAT IVE GONE THROUGH SINCE TUESDAY...
ACTUALLY FOR A WHILE NOW AFTER EACH APPT IVE BEEN IN TREMENDOUS PAIN....and i fear i will have to encounter this pain again and agin for the remaining appts which are, well, my next one is february 27th... then the following after that is in april...
I STILL NOT WASHED AND ITS 16.53 PM BUT I HAVE DRWN A BATH WITH IM GOING TO GO IN AND CRY MY HEALING TEARS...
THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH DINAH...
-------------------------------------------------p.s.
I bought in session in summer of 2005 soon as the transference began...it was my first book on the subject..and very helpful since then i must have bought aroung 35 books no exageration...on the theraputic relationship...and they all helped me a lot..
now i need more of a personal touch, as now im down to the wire...now it's really happening the thing i thought i would never allow to happen to me... truly utterly loving her
and i have to sort out all of it, christian love sexual love freindly love, womanly love, human love, love for another person i admire,...and love for the best mother psychologically i ever ever had...
she's my mummy to my inner child who came back live from the dead in Oct 2005, her heart began to beat again that night...
i've written her (to my therapist) poems expalining my love for her and how i feel has happened to my inner child..., and i always give her cards ive made and lots of little things like an angel, which she keeps in her office.and other gifts which she took home to put on her xmas tree...and just stuff i make, or collect at the beach...
and mothersday cards birthday cards, although i dont know when it is i dont care not knowing the exact date, i just pick a date each year as i know she has one each year and she agrees with me that yes she has a birthday each year because she was born once upon a time...loli love to give back to her..and in the world i only ever gave sex, but ive not had intimacy now for 7 years with a man...but i had a brief liasion for a few months this time last year with a woman..and we used it to work on in therapy ...used it to see my bad behaviour in relationships and how to look at changing myself...
anyway, i also just give her cards when i feel the need to express something i make them myself though...i always print things and use ribbon and glue etc...just like a child that i never ever was...and when she egts them she always looks like shes going to cry , i feel sorry for her having to hide her feelings, but the state have very strict guidelines...
i wonder if she hasnt cried sometimes once ive left the room...once i gave her a round peice of wood that looked like a tiny stone with a picture of me on one side as a small baby laying on my back...and i wrote on the other side...'dont forget me' ..i put it in a box with shells and leves and other little things of no monetary value...
she refused to go through that box with me then, i hope she wasnt angry...she seemed to be torn between liking it all and needing to try so hard to push me away...
and i made her a tape of music..oh i could go on and on ..but i better leave all that there..
i could tell you loadz of stuf, but its probably unnesseccary, and i will be taking up your time which you have given freely and willing to me..
im so grateful and i will also write back when im bathed ...and able to do it..about your other post on this thread....
that was a long p.s.
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p.p.s. I have stopped crying because i have been writting this i feel too soon after your reply..i should have let the words you and carher said to me sink into my soul...but i so wanted to give you thanks straight away...thats why i said all this..i only ment to say i will reply later and then i wrote all this...
I should have soaled up your good advice and Caraher's but i still not in my bath and it now 17.18 pm...
does that make any sense that i want to give everything away s soon as i get help, i cant keep the good feeling, i have to pour myself back, and well no wonder im falling apart...and have no one in my life...
who would want to love me for any serious lasting relationship... with my emotional problems... so thank you once again for your time. you are appreciated by me.
p.p.p.s i hope noone ever knows who i am on this as ive shared so much about the gifts i give her..very private stuff...
i hope noone thinks less of me for sharing it with the world of babble..
much respect to you Dinah...and anyone else who so wishes to reply i'd welcome your posts..and if i can help you with anything pls ask as i would like to feel useful...
from,
Scentedgarden
poster:Scentedgarden
thread:727068
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/727118.html