Posted by Scentedgarden on January 27, 2007, at 10:19:33
In reply to Has your therapist ever.? -very long - sex trigger, posted by Scentedgarden on January 27, 2007, at 8:49:30
Dear babblers
i ment 18 months ago and not 198 months ago...it was a mistake, my fault for never reading my post again before i confirm to post it...im lazy and impulsive sometimes ..
i apologise for my messy post and making you read it all spelled wrongly... i will take my time in future and not rush..-----------------------------------------------------------------
as for my therpist and i, at my last apt on tuesday, i cried like a baby the wHole way through, and she extends the time always to give me more time way over the hour by half an hour...
WE ARGUED ABOUT THE ENDING, BUT MOSTLY I WAS HEART BROKEN AND JUST COULDNT STOP CRYING, then she comforted me and talked to me, like a mother to her baby...saying ssshhh ssshhh sshhh, lets see how we can fix this....and then she would try to make me laff...and just is very motherly and loving with me...and smiling into my eyes...
we bumped into each other a couple of times as well...when i was picking up all the hankies from the place at the end and bending down to put them in the bin...she bumped into me a couple of times...and its aleays so nice to feel her full body on me...or i mean it would be nice, and it's pleasant to touch her in any way...we often find our hands touch or somehting judt if we are passing something to each other...there has to be good reason...if i can find a good reason to get close to her she allows it....so i have spent and wasted ages doing just that...
anyway , its over now...and I have to think to the future..i have to be someone she would like to know,more importantly be someone i would like to know, and not a boring person sitting crying my heart out and doing myself no favours...i dont mind being boring so i take that back, but i mean all the other things i said...
and,i cried bawling my heart and eyes out as if i was a baby of about 2 yers old who didnt want to let her mother go...so she knows all about the child /mother transference...as i had nothing to hide and she had nothing to fear from that...but the sexual stuff i hid away incase she ended me sooner...and she thought it was having a bad effect on me, seeing her....im just so sorry we have not been able to work throught the sexual transference...and on further refelction i dont think a reveal all letter will solce the issue...with 4 more appts to go its not enought time to really work on it...and she will only be forced to back off, and to reject and hurt me...as she is very thicall and morally sound...she just goes over the boundaries because she knows i want her so much, and she also must enjoy my comapny in a way if she does it as she ultimeatly has control...
so im going to have to deal with this some other way ...like egt over it, and just get on with my life an d be thank ful i have met someone i love very much and i will always remember and like and love ...and she says she will always remeber me...
she says she doesnt love me, but i wouldnt think of anyone on christmas morning unless i loved them....but maybe i read too much into it...as i notice lots of us in therapy from reading the post above included, we can worry about everyhting thing in a way that noone else even has noticed...
im learning this is one of my big problems and need to learn how not to misinterpret things in life....
Love SG
poster:Scentedgarden
thread:727068
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/727093.html