Posted by Daisym on January 22, 2006, at 17:05:49
In reply to Re: T said to keep depression as long as I want it » daisym, posted by fairywings on January 22, 2006, at 10:27:22
I'm worried about you. Moving from depressed to hopeless is not a good sign. You have to believe that it will get better, somehow, some day. Let's break this down...
Sharing how we "really" feel with people needs to be selective. First we need to choose people who can handle it and we need to choose people who can offer what we need - sympathy, help, humor, whatever. Not everyone can do this. But this is pretty personal stuff so I don't think it is wise to just be all out there with it either. I think the trick is to push yourself to be with people you typically feel better with, and to figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself. And believe me, I HATE that term -- "take care of yourself" because to me that means hide all the hurt and go forward with life. To most people it means stopping and nurturing themselves. I just don't know how to do that. But it seems an important skill to learn.
Family is tricky. If your husband is supportive then I think you can say, "I can't cope with the kids because I'm depressed." If he isn't, I think you have to push yourself and when you can't, you tell him you are ill. Which is true. But kids will be unlikely to understand this, and they will resent your unavailability and limitations. Tough. It is a good lesson for them to be sympathetic to illness and exhaustion.
I think when we are in therapy we want to be honest and authentic with friends and family in the same way we are in therapy. But this truely may be too much for them. So perhaps your therapist was encouraging you to be selective about your honesty and to try to keep your life as normal as possible. There is a lot of evidence that depression responses to exercise and accomplishments as well as not getting stuck in your own black thoughts.
All that said, I still believe that therapy should absolutely be the safe place to let it all out and tell him how incredibly bad you feel. I have said to my therapist, "I just want to feel bad. I don't want to have to make it all better for everyone else. I don't want to cheer up, be hopeful or be productive." He nodded and said, "go ahead. Sounds right to me."
And then of course I say, "I'll be OK, no worries."
Depression sucks.
poster:Daisym
thread:601410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/601849.html