Posted by daisym on December 2, 2005, at 13:51:48
In reply to Re: Unconscious Seduction - TRIGGER » daisym, posted by Dinah on December 2, 2005, at 10:01:17
****I think my situation makes a great object lesson and rightly frightens anyone who's in therapy for the long haul. It was part of our discussion again yesterday. How I really didn't think that he hurt me so much as I think being attached to him hurt me. And I didn't want to be hurt again, I wanted to spread my eggs into more baskets. He refused to say that I didn't need to protect myself from him. He said it was up to me. :(
I think what you are feeling is understandable -- this need to protect yourself. And I think it is a healthy urge, not a disrespectful one to your therapist. It probably makes him sad because he can't promise the security and safety externally that he feels he provides for you internally. He knows that he will be the best therapist he can for you, that doesn't mean you won't get hurt. But I think it might be worth the risk.
****But I think there is some flirtation on my part. I have a hard time discussing it, because I know so many here have had fathers who abused their trust, but I think it's normal for little girls to have a flirtatious in an innocent little girl way attitude towards their Daddies. And *good* Daddies understand that flirtation for what it is and respond in kind, by allowing themselves to be amused or charmed. I think I *sometimes* flirt with my therapist in that innocent little girl way, and he *sometimes* gives me the gift of being amused (not charmed ever, but amused).It isn't hurtful to hear that. I think I know this, intellectually at least. And I've asked it often enough in therapy -- "most dads don't do this, right?" I'm glad he is giving you a nice response. There are many levels we interact on, adult and childlike. It is good that you can be yourself with your therapist.
****I have no interest in any other sort of seduction, but that sort of flirtation is a seduction of sorts. Not a seduction sexually, but a seduction of raising interest and intensity and positive feelings in a relationship.
I think we all do this to some extent. I make my therapist laugh, share stories of my kids or work or whatever. I've brought him jokes or cartoons. I think you are right, it is about solidifying the relationship, giving back in a way. It isn't sexual. And I think we do want to feel liked by our therapists, not just cared about.
****I hope my answer isn't inappropriate, and doesn't cause any pain to those whose father responded inappropriately to completely appropriate flirting on the parts of their daughters.
****It really is OK. I was hoping the same thing by saying that your situation has made me worry. I hope you know that I feel very badly about what has happened for you and I'm in no way attempting to say you shouldn't share what is going on. Remember, everything makes me worry these days.
poster:daisym
thread:583595
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051130/msgs/584593.html