Posted by Tamar on September 9, 2005, at 20:58:58
In reply to Lying Therapist, posted by cricket on September 9, 2005, at 8:49:02
Hi cricket,
I’m sorry to hear it’s still so hard for you. I don’t think you’re crazy. It does sound as if he’s being rather defensive.
I know you feel he’s inclined to lie to you, but I wonder if it’s worth asking him straight out what he expects from you.
It seems to me that you’ve been working quite hard on trying to feel attached to him and he seems to be a little ambivalent about it. It may be partly a matter of his personal ‘style’; perhaps he’s not sure what your attachment would mean for him professionally. And maybe you’re a little ambivalent about it too, in which case, perhaps he isn’t dealing terribly well at the moment with your ambivalence.
Did you ever talk to him about your ‘what if’ idea… what if you assume that he cares about you? What if he likes you and thinks about you between sessions? I would hope that taking about that idea with him might give him some hope that you can come to trust him.
I dunno… It seems to me that you have been making progress, but that your progress happens to have coincided with his feeling deskilled, and maybe he would feel less deskilled in relation to you if he knew that you have been working hard to try to trust him. But of course I don’t know all the details.
And the other thing is that if you are attempting to trust him you might be feeling uncomfortable with the vulnerability that involves, and sending confused signals to him, which might account for his strange reactions.
I suppose I’m concerned because it seems as if you’re on the verge of something big, but if you back away from him now you’re walking away from a potential source of support. Whereas if you stay, even though it’s hard, you might be able to make more progress.
Maybe he’s not perfect (and who is, after all?). And maybe he’s not the best match for you. But you’ve invested several years in therapy with him. If you do decide to leave, I would think that you might gain something from discussing that with him, at the very least.
Just my two cents.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:552671
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/552930.html