Posted by daisym on July 6, 2005, at 0:31:28
In reply to Re: 3 days and counting...(a little long) » daisym, posted by 10derHeart on July 5, 2005, at 23:41:42
I'm hurting so, so much. But why? He came back. So what is this ENORMOUS pain in my chest that makes it hard to breathe and hard to think? I feel like I'm holding a million gallons of tears and if I let even one drip out, we'll need several sessions to get the faucet off.
See, I knew this is what would happen. I want him to make "it" all better and he can't. But I still want him to. I feel so much like a 4-year-old that gets picked up from daycare late and falls apart the minute she sees her mom.
Help me, you guys, this is the home stretch but I don't think I can get through. This night is impossibly long -- which should be a good thing because I'm so overwhelmed with fear about tomorrow. I have to face a room full of angry people. But if tomorrow doesn't come, I don't get to talk to my therapist. I don't even know what I'm hoping for anymore. Somehow "I'm totally suicidal" doesn't seem the appropriate welcome back sentence.
I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do with myself tonight. Except sit on my hands. I keep repeating, "these are just feelings. Feelings change." I've been here before. But it is still a painful place.
poster:daisym
thread:523383
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/524100.html