Posted by fallsfall on July 6, 2005, at 8:40:38
In reply to The home stretch (small trigger), posted by daisym on July 6, 2005, at 0:31:28
> I'm hurting so, so much. But why? He came back.
*** He DID come back!!!
So what is this ENORMOUS pain in my chest that makes it hard to breathe and hard to think? I feel like I'm holding a million gallons of tears and if I let even one drip out, we'll need several sessions to get the faucet off.
*** Those are all of the tears you wanted to cry while he was away. You were saving them up.
>
> See, I knew this is what would happen. I want him to make "it" all better and he can't. But I still want him to.*** He can't make it *ALL* better. But he *CAN* make it *BETTER*.
I feel so much like a 4-year-old that gets picked up from daycare late and falls apart the minute she sees her mom.
*** Exactly. And this is a very human way to be. You held it together while he was gone. It was so hard to do, but you did it. And every ounce of "holding it together strength" that you have has been used up. Now you need to borrow some of his.
>
> Help me, you guys, this is the home stretch but I don't think I can get through. This night is impossibly long -- which should be a good thing because I'm so overwhelmed with fear about tomorrow. I have to face a room full of angry people.*** Wednesday will be very hard. Very, very hard. You are completely justified in being scared about that room full of angry people. But you know that you have to move through that meeting. And you know that you didn't *intend* to do anything wrong. And you are sorry that things didn't go right. And you are trying to fix things the best you can. Don't beat yourself up too much about this. Your heart has always been in the right place. I'll be right next to you with my p*m-p*ms - reminding you that people love you.
But if tomorrow doesn't come, I don't get to talk to my therapist.
*** And you *DO* want to talk to him. Don't you see that this, in itself, is major progress? You have found comfort in this world. You have allowed yourself to need somebody. People need other people. This is natural.
*** By the way, I support your decision to not see him before your meeting. You need to be held together for this meeting, and it will probably take a little time to get yourself pulled back together after you see him. I like the idea of a phone call - just to let him know that you have made it, and that you have this meeting to get through, and that after that you do want to see him. And he can let you know that he's truly back, and he's on your side, and he'll be there waiting for you, glad to see you.
I don't even know what I'm hoping for anymore. Somehow "I'm totally suicidal" doesn't seem the appropriate welcome back sentence.
*** If that is the truth, then I think it is entirely appropriate. And I don't think that it will surprise him in the least.
>
> I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do with myself tonight. Except sit on my hands. I keep repeating, "these are just feelings. Feelings change." I've been here before. But it is still a painful place.*** (((((...Daisy)))))... We are with you, keeping you comfortable in that painful place. You aren't alone.
Best wishes for your meeting. And, if it can be scheduled, can you go to see him straight after your meeting??
Love,
Falls.
poster:fallsfall
thread:523383
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/524192.html