Posted by daisym on April 26, 2005, at 1:22:44
In reply to Re: Using Therapy » Daisym, posted by fallsfall on April 25, 2005, at 17:51:17
I realized I was terrified about 5 minutes before I got there. I asked myself why and realized that I was afraid he would be different, or that he wouldn't be there, or worse, that he wouldn't "feel" right -- senseless little kid thinking.
But he was there, and he "felt" the same. He said he missed me and talked about how long a week is. He also said he was glad I called him Thursday night, even though it was late. I was worried that he wouldn't be Ok with that, after all the emergency wasn't technically mine. We talked about the medical stuff, and the boys and how hard this is on them.
And I did tell him about the twinges of resentment and anger and how guilty I felt about those feelings. He seems to think that it is OK to have these feelings and to express them honestly, at least in the safety of his office. He challenges me to be less than the perfect care-giver. Said he'd like to see an actual tantrum about it all. His words of wisdom today were, "this sucks." Totally.
I floated away at one point, I think we were talking about anger, but even now I'm not sure that was it. He didn't push.
And he said therapy is still absolutely necessary. That I needed to carve out time for me, so that I didn't get lost in all of this. It struck a nerve I didn't even know I had -- I am scared of losing myself completely to this illness. He said he wouldn't let that happen, we had worked too hard to uncover this softer, more vulnerable side. That even though my husband is the one that is ill, I need care too. This is the only place I cried. He has a way of putting words to the feelings that haunt me.
It was so very hard to leave him today...
poster:daisym
thread:489106
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050420/msgs/489645.html