Posted by mair on January 9, 2005, at 7:27:29
In reply to There are things I'm reluctant to tell therapist, posted by Dinah on January 9, 2005, at 4:32:17
Dinah - is this an inverse to telling your T what he wants to hear? Not talking about the things that he doesn't want to hear? What purpose does it serve for you?
I know enough about my T's life to have ocassionally made certain topics seem like minefields to me although she's made it certain I know that they shouldn't be. I know her father is dead and has been for several years. When my father was still living and was posing a lot of problems for me, I found myself concerned that she might be saying to herself something like "she should appreciate that her father is still living" as I endlessly catalogued all my complaints about him. And alot of my work difficulties have been with one colleague in particular who I knew my T knew on a social basis, although I didn't know how friendly they were. Back in the beginning I was pretty reticent to criticize him for the same reason. I don't know how we got that out in the open, but it helped when we did, and now she spends alot of time trying to convince me that I have a right to be angrier with him than I usually will own up to.
And then there's all of the judgments that I think she and sometimes my pdoc are making but not verbalizing. I know on a certain intellectual level that these are probably projections, but I can be pretty certain of them and they can inhibit what I'll say.
If you're not ashamed, do you think you're just afraid/reluctant to make your T feel uncomfortable? Is this you taking care of his feelings? I think my own self-censoring is shame driven - I'm too concerned about the negative impression my T will form if she knows certain things. And these are not deep dark secrets of the shameful variety, but they involve such powerful self-judgments and produce alot of shame on my part. And when she says something complimentary about me, I do sometimes have that "if she only really knew" thought.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:439667
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050105/msgs/439679.html