Posted by Pandabear on September 6, 2004, at 16:10:17
I have been thinking all day about my posts and my decision of needing to back off from going to therapy so much and it is making me nuts. I have a confession to make. First off, it has been known by my doctors that I do have obsessive tendencies but I havent been having any for quite a while. All of the thoughts of backing off of therapy though is making me obsess. I have found out where my therapist lives and even drove by her house a couple of times. Im not stalking her..i dont park my car and watch for her but she doesnt realize that i found out where she lives. I even looked in the phone book to find people that live on the same road as her...because Im jealous. I like my therapist a lot as a person and I have told her this...But I want to be friends with her, more than just a therpist/patient relationship..and this isnt possible. If she knew that I knew where she lives i dont know how she would react. I actually on sunday passed her on the road when i was driving home but i dont know if she saw me. We occasionally run into each other in public...(very rarely) but I want us to be friends. Im obsessing so much over trying to find out stuff about her.
I reacted the same with a past friend of mine and he ended up ending the friendship because I was too intrusive. I dont think my therapist would terminate me unless she felt as if I was uncontrolable or if i drove by her house and she saw me...that might not be too good.
I need to know if i should be telling her about my obsessing. I know that if i bring this to her attention...she will trust me less and whereas I know I can tell her anything...I would be so embarressed to tell her that I know where she lives...she would be angry and I dont want this. But, I want to do what is right.
I am so ashamed of myself. IF she were to ever terminate me permantly, it will be so difficult because I am literally right across the street from her office. I am afraid that I would become more obsessed and I would call her non stop...knowing that she couldnt help me anymore..(im thinking to much into this) but im concerned. How should I talk to her about this or should i?
Should I just keep this to myself? Im not a bad person..I dont stalk people...I know im making myself seem bad but please dont hold this against me...I just need some help and advice. If there is anyone (counselor or therapist) out here that would be willing to chat via instant message my screenname is frackisback2004..i just need advice..im making myself so frustrated I know i should tell her but things are going so well...help me ..thanks.
Pandabear <><
poster:Pandabear
thread:387227
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/387227.html