Posted by shrinking violet on September 3, 2004, at 19:57:34
In reply to Re: How do you *do* therapy? » thewrite1, posted by gardenergirl on September 3, 2004, at 0:30:37
>> As far as how do you "do" therapy...my T just asks me to talk about whatever I am thinking.
Sounds simple, lol, but for me, it isn't. I censor myself a lot. I'm convinced that whatever I say will be stupid or meaningless or trivial, or she'll treat it as such. Besides, once I sit in that chair, half the time my mind goes blank. My reactions, thoughts, etc all come after I leave, but when I'm there, I'm pretty empty (although I admit sometimes I do think things, just don't/can't say them).
>>In my last session, we talked about how there is something I've never told him and didn't really want to tell him. He never pressured me at all about what it was, and in fact reassured me that I was doing fine because I was telling him my thoughts about why I didn't want to tell him and why I brought it up in the first place. This actually led to some really valuable stuff.That's interesting, actually, because I've "told" (via written stuff) my T something similar. She asks me about it, and lately she's tried to guess what it is, which is very unnerving. I told her I'm not ready to talk about it, and probably never will, but...my T is either very curious or just feels like she needs to know everything now. Even when I go in with something writen, or a list of things, she makes me give it to her so that she can read it all at once, rather than letting me go through them one at a time. I'm glad your T was so understanding with you.
> >So maybe you can give yourself permission to hang onto all the bad stuff inside for awhile longer, and instead, talk to her about what you are feeling when you find you can't talk. What do you feel in your body? What are you worried about happening if you do? What do you anticipate her reaction might be? Etc. I think this is just as important, if not more important, because this is what's there for you now. And working thru this may help you to feel safe enough to then talk more about what's inside deeper.Thanks. That's pretty much what we've been talking about for the past year, though. I write to her or email her and give her tons of theories, reasons, insights as to why I cant talk. But even though she seems to at least understand it theoretically, she still expects me to just start spilling stuff out, and when I dont I think it frustrates her. I can write stuff to her(last session she read a page about my childhood, parental stuff, and how I wish she was my mom. She actually teared up and seemed to be fairly touched by it), but writing those things isn't very satisfying as we never really work through them; instead, she kind of expounds a bit on them and I sit there and listen, or manage to eek out a few sentences. But I know I still feel unsettled about it because I'm not actually saying any of it, or expressing it verbally, and working through it emotionaly (which petrifies me beyond belief).
I'm going to try what you suggested though (actually say it rather than write it, lol), and I'm going to try to talk about less intense stuff (school, etc) and then maybe the more deeper thoughts, feelings, etc will come out in time.
Thanks, GG.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:385854
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/386176.html