Posted by shrinking violet on September 2, 2004, at 23:17:42
Hi everyone,My question is probably very silly and elementary, but I'm really having a problem with "doing" therapy. How does one do it? I've been seeing my T for just over a year, and we keep going round and round the same main issue: my inability to verbalize all of my inner "stuff." I give her writings (pages and pages of stuff, and even though I have an easier time putting things into words via paper, I do realize that in itself is probably a defense, and a way of removing my T and the issues from myself). I've given her drawings. But it still needs to come out of my mouth. But I can't do it. I go in there, and most times I clam right up, and she spends the whole session talking (poor thing), and then I leave feeling like a failure and she feels unsettled.
I think what happens is I feel like I need to go to session and let out all the “bad stuff” in order for the session to go well or be productive, so I think I just put too much pressure on myself and by the time I actually get in the room, I’m too scared or overwhelmed and then I sort of shut-down. There's probably other things going on as well (I have issues with talking from childhood....I used to have a horrid stutter, and I was always told to not speak unless spoken to, and I was painfully shy, etc).
So I have no idea how to start, or where to start. Or what if I say something wrong? I feel like this stuff is too dark and deep (although ironically at the same time it feels like it’s right there, clamoring at me, kind of like an itch that is begging to be scratched), and it’s just all *too much* that I literally can’t find the words to express any of it. How do I bring it all up?
Any advice, suggestions, empathy?
Appreciation in advance....
Peace,
-SV
poster:shrinking violet
thread:385854
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/385854.html