Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2004, at 11:19:22
In reply to Crisis #28,567 (long), posted by Aphrodite on September 3, 2004, at 8:40:05
Pride is horribly overrated. I can't tell you how many times I quit or tantrumed or did something else that caused me to want to slink away and never come back. But while that may well be an appropriate response in social situations, this is your *therapist*. If he's anything like mine, he's not going to judge you harshly, and there's no reason to worry about pride. He's more likely to be proud of you for having the courage to come in and face more.
My therapist is usually very careful to be polite with my grown up rational side that is frequently anything but polite to him. But he generally does try to remember that all of me is his client, and that grown up rational me has as many reasons for behaving that way as any other part. So sometimes he might make off the cuff remarks showing his irritation, but he generally tries not to take sides.
If you genuinely think therapy isn't a wise choice for you, then stopping therapy is a good choice for you. You might want to process it a bit longer so that you don't feel like the process was terminated in an unsatisfying way, but you don't have to continue going.
If you don't think he's adequately addressing certain parts of your experience by skimming over your shame or being too "nice" to allow you to properly process any shame you're feeling, you should take that up with him and make sure he doesn't force you to gloss over what you feel. In that case, your grown up self did all your selves a favor by telling him so. From what I understand (and of course I'm no expert) shame/guilt is often a large component of the experience of abuse. I think we all rationally recognize that the shame should lie with the abuser, not the abused, but it would be foolish to assume that a rational understanding would make the feelings go away. You need to be able to talk about it and have your feelings respected, even if they're then respectfully challenged.
Or this might just be one of those stops in the struggle for relationship.
Whatever the case may be, terminating abruptly with so much emotion doesn't seem the most prudent course, especially on the basis of that truly highly overrated virtue of pride. Humbling yourself before your therapist can bring rewards of untold richness. Or so my experience has been anyway.
poster:Dinah
thread:385941
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/385987.html