Posted by shrinking violet on August 29, 2004, at 14:12:53
In reply to Re: T cancelled next appt.... *sob, whine* » Susan47, posted by shrinking violet on August 27, 2004, at 19:30:01
I'm just using this space as a place to vent. Feel free to ignore.
If my T hadn't cancelled, I would have been seeing her tomorrow. But, now I have to wait aaaaall the way until Thursday. Why does it seem like such a long way away? Such an infinite expanse of time that must tick by before the day arrives. My T isn't working tomorrow, so I couldn't even call or email if I needed to....but, what is there to say, really? I really need to bring this up with her this week, because I can't keep dealing with feeling this way in-between. I'm not sure how to stop it, though: even if I knew the reason(s), and a couple of plausible ones have already been brought out in this post, knowing those reasons won't stop the feeling. Maybe I'm just innately resistant to therapy; I mean, "normal" people go to therapy and gain these insights of themselves, reasons why they do things, and somehow knowing those reasons makes the symptoms/behaviors/etc better. But not with me. I have TONS of theories, insights, etc, but I never know which one is the right one, and even if I did, it doesn't make anything better. I think, too, an issue came up last session that has been bothering me and I know I need to bring it up with my T, but I don't want her to take it the wrong way, and last night my "dad" said something to upset me, which triggered this funk I've been in (I didn't think anything could make it worse, thanks dad). I hate my life, I hate my family (yes, I know I'm horrible, but it's true), I'll never be good at anything or be competent in any way, I don't have anything to offer anyone. I'm a total waste of space and oxygen. I have my cat and my T, big woop, neither of whom will be there in the long run. School will end, I probably won't get a job. I'll be stuck in this house with these people forever, never truly fitting in or connecting with anything or anyone.
Blah, sorry. None of this is even coming out right. I guess some things have no words; maybe that's what tears are for.
poster:shrinking violet
thread:382595
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/383704.html