Posted by Dinah on April 20, 2004, at 15:46:38
Towards the end of my session today, I told my therapist that I had just realized that I hold him at arms length in some ways and that it had surprised the heck out of me because I knew I told him just about everything and I thought that meant I made myself totally open and vulnerable to him.
But that I still withheld some trust, that I didn't trust him fully. That there was always a running commentary in my brain of all the reasons it would be foolish to trust him. And that some of the reasons sounded pretty reasonable.
And he said they probably were reasonable, and that it wasn't bad not to trust him fully since he wasn't fully trustworthy. That he was human. He said that it was up to me if I felt like I needed to trust him more than I did. And that he had never thought much about it, because he realized that I did trust him more than I trusted most people and he focussed on the ways I was open and vulnerable with him. But that's as far as he would explain what he meant about not being trustworthy. He wouldn't give even one example of the ways he might not be trustworthy. And that leaves me wondering if he means that the running commentary in my head is right, or if he means something less ominous. Because the running commentary is pretty negative. :( And he just won't tell me. He just says it's my choice how much I trust him. Which is soooooo HIM. Arrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!
poster:Dinah
thread:338155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/338155.html