Posted by Racer on February 4, 2004, at 20:21:32
In reply to Re: I ask myself... » KindGirl, posted by 64Bowtie on February 4, 2004, at 13:36:02
As a heterosexual woman, who has had fantasies about other women and male pdocs, I've found the following to be true for me:
1. Fantasizing about other women is perfectly acceptable. Even if you act on them, it's still not a punishable offense, unless you decide for yourself it is. (Mind you, as a married woman, acting on any sexual fantasy would not be the best decision I've ever made.)
2. Acting out fantasies is usually disappointing, anyway. Sometimes the fantasy itself is much better than the experience would be. (Or at least so I tell myself after every visit to Dr EyeCandy...)
3. Exploring your attraction can often be very relevatory. I've found that the women in my life I've been attracted to, usually not people in my life, but movie stars, etc all have one thing in common: they represent what I want to BE, not what I want to sleep with.
4. Most of my other fantasies are about perceived protectors, parent figures. In a sense, your therapist is supposed to be a surrogate parent, so feelings of attraction are kinda what I'd expect from most patients. I know that half my fantasies about Dr EyeCandy are coming from the "I want him to put his arms around me and protect me from myself and the rest of the world." In other words, I don't feel capable of protecting myself, so I look to the outside to find that sense of security.
My guess, for myself, is that if the therapy (not with Dr EC, he's just the pdoc) works, my attraction towards him will diminish as I start to feel strong enough and capable enough to protect myself. (Won't go away, though: he really is what my old boss would call a "slurp" -- from an episode of Ally McBeal, where she imagines her tongue growing out of her mouth and slurping a guy's face.)
Also, with my life as it is right now, having a focus for fantasies isn't such a bad thing for me right now. Actual, conrete reality is limiting my ability to act on some of my ambitions, even on those days when I have the motivation. My options ar pretty well limited to reading, fretting, and fantasizing. So, I've given myself permission to fantasize rather than fret.
What's that? Oh, yeah, I do tend to fantasize about a lot of different men. Kinda like men are alleged to do, almost every man I see, I'll at least give a cursory thought to. And, based on my experience, I don't think the reality with Dr EC would come anywhere near as good as the fantasies are, so I've got incentive never to try to find out. (In other words, thoughts don't count, actions do.)
poster:Racer
thread:309240
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/309508.html