Posted by Racer on February 4, 2004, at 9:53:57
In reply to Research, posted by fallsfall on February 3, 2004, at 20:58:29
Oh, dear, I've been there and done that. It's a frustrating landscape to live in.
Here's a suggestion that sounds entirely stupid, but actually did a lot to help me. Go out and take a class on animal behavior. Take some riding lessons, find a dog training class at the SPCA, find out if your local zoo has any classes, do something that allows you to spend some time observing or working with animals.
OK, that sounds so far out that I've got to give a little explanation. Psychology is filled with abstractions, ideas, thoughts, observations about emotions, etc. It's an intellectually construct that acts as a bridge between emotional reality and Reality. It's about explaining thinking patterns and emotional patterns. Working with animals, you can't use words, you have to watch body language, you have to deal with emotions on a sub-verbal level, and you have to use behavior as a key to what's going on inside. Sometimes, you can learn a lot about people from working with animals. God knows I've learned a lot about myself, and my mother, and my aunt, and my husband, all from animals who've never spoken a single word to me. A lot of that knowledge, some of which I can't put into words, has done me a lot of good in dealing with T issues, and with the individuals directly.
One example: my mother and I have one of those suboptimal relationships -- although it's a lot better now, finally -- and for a few years we were at each others' throats pretty regularly. Not good, since I played taxi service for her once a week, every week. Then I started working with a mare who was a real pain in the you know where -- so bad I never wanted to ride again, because she just got under my skin so badly. One day, when she was afraid of the entire world, and irritated with me, and generally making me wish Mom had sent me to piano lessons instead of riding, I lost my temper. Now, in over 20 years of riding, I'd never once lost my temper at a horse. It's usually counter productive. Anyway, that little mare jumped one too many times, and I spanked her. Not abuse, mind you, but one good smack with a riding whip (doesn't damage, just a good sting). All of a sudden, she relaxed!!! She seemed to say, "Ah, she's going to stop me from being in charge!" After that, we had a few other minor issues, but she was a great mare from that day forward.
What did I learn? I learned that sometimes, you have to project a strength that you may not feel, and by doing so, the scary monster may get scared off. I use the same basic principle with my mother, too, frequently, and it works. When my mother gets into one of her prehysteric ruts, I turn on the In Charge routine, and it calms her down and eases the strain. Often, it's just too scary for my mother to be In Charge, and she goes into her own rut. When I going into Boss mode, she gets a chance to relax again, and let go of the fears. As a result of all this, my mother and I are getting along, expressing our love for one another better, and enjoying the time we spend together. All this resulted from learning from a horse.
So, the suggestion stands. Go out and do some direct animal stuff. (As for the books, I've got several shelves worth of child development, psychology, philosophy of psychology, etc. They've done a lot less good than the beasts. Dogs, cats, horses, those I've worked with directly. Chimpanzees I've only read about. still, more useful than any of the psych books.)
poster:Racer
thread:309088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/309247.html