Posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 16:36:38
In reply to Research, posted by fallsfall on February 3, 2004, at 20:58:29
I just had a chance to read your post and I must tell you.....
I will NOT answer Bubba's questions unless I know why he asks them. If I can't figure it out on my own (ie. self esteem booster, relationship problem solving, ect.) I will tell him, "What are you trying to accomplish by asking this question?" And he used to get frustrated. Now, he simply gives me a hint.
For example.... Once he asked me, "How could you be a better wife for me?" And I was stumped... lost in my own transference, crush, ect. I couldn't figure out if he was trying to build my self esteem or trying to aid in losing the transference. So I simply refused to answer the question, as I wasn't sure how he wanted me to answer (and that's the key. I WANT/ NEED to please him. We'll get to that in a second. Also I don't want to be manipulated.) So I said, "I'm not answering until you tell me where this question is heading, what you hope to accomplish with it." He said, "Hint. Self esteem booster." So, I told him about my house keeping abilities, ect...
So, are you doing this because you have a need to please????
Or, are you doing this because you fear not being in control?
*I think that the motivation behind your behavior is what's important. (Now, I haven't had a chance to read the others posts, so maybe this is old news. If so, reporter, scratch this from the record please) Ask yourself why is it so important that you know..
Are you afraid of being inferior?
Ask yourself some hard questions and bring them to your next session....
poster:Karen_kay
thread:309088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040131/msgs/309421.html