Posted by kara lynne on September 18, 2003, at 13:05:03
In reply to Re: enmaly, posted by emmaley on September 18, 2003, at 3:15:37
I was reading some of your thread above again, and you did an awesome job of expressing yourself. You have a keen awareness of the process between you and your therapist, and it is one I can completely relate to. I really admire your ability to go in there and be that honest with him; to be willing to deal with the vulnerability and challenge the shame. How are you feeling now in terms of your attraction toward him? Has it been more manageable since you talked about it?
I realized after writing about some of this that part of what kept me hooked was my fear of abandonment. How powerful a hook that is for me. What happened between me and the 2nd therapist was this: I had been feeling like we weren't having enough time in the sessions. He offered an 'open ended' session when his wife was out of town--he worked out of his house. He was the president of the Bio Energetic society and said we should do some-ahem- 'body work' to break through my blocks. Uh huh. So I went to his house and we ended up on the floor in each other's arms, with him clearly expressing sexual feelings. While I felt flattered and wanted the connection, I was not attracted to him--except for that one day, temporarily, due to the intensity of the moment, transference, what have you. We stopped before anything happened.
The next time I went for a session he was riddled with guilt, which he also laid on me. He wanted to end the therapy--right after it had gotten so intense, and I needed him more than ever. So of course I didn't want to. I was the one that said let's keep going. But was that my fault? My fear of abandonment had me absolutely petrified; after getting so close to this man--who had made such compelling declarations of his desire to help me through suicidal depression--I would be completely anchor-less.
So that, Mr. Current Therapist, was my part.
poster:kara lynne
thread:260848
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/261379.html