Posted by kara lynne on September 18, 2003, at 12:41:03
In reply to Re: Hannah, posted by HannahW on September 18, 2003, at 11:25:19
I guess that's part of the confusion. This guy is saying the 2nd relationship could be construed as therapy, and not an affair. It wasn't really an affair because as I said, we never had sex. (I did have a romantic relationship with the first therapist; oddly enough I feel far less conflicted about that one. I thought we were truly in love--for awhile, and it was a mutual decision to end the relationship.) But the second guy I saw for over two years and the whole time it was clouded by all this boundary crossing--disguised with his declarations of honorable intent. Meanwhile he was telling me about the problems between he and his wife, telling me we'd be together some day and yes, *talking* about his sexual fantasies of me. *And* expressing jealousy when I talked about my then boyfriend. How in the world could that have been therapeutic for me?
See, I was such a sick puppy; why *would* I stay?! I remember telling one wonderful friend at the time. She was so gentle, but she just kept quietly saying, 'Kara, this is wrong.' But I believed what the therapist told me, and he seemed to appreciate me more than anyone in the world ever had--that was strong stuff for me. But it was an atmosphere like the one I grew up in, where at the very least emotional boundaries were trampled over until I couldn't recognize that it was happening. That's what's so scary about this---this current guy is saying things I could easily buy. And again, while I do not get any satisfaction out of being a victim, I do think it is life threatening if I don't recognize it as a violation and abuse of power--their's, not mine. Otherwise, because it is like the originally damaging environment I was from, I can be almost lulled back into a hypnotic denial and repitition of the pattern.
I hope that wasn't too obtuse. I can't tell you how much all of your support and feedback has helped me through this. I really wish we could all meet!
poster:kara lynne
thread:260848
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/261370.html