Posted by emmaley on September 16, 2003, at 20:43:23
In reply to Help......for a newcomer, posted by Emmaley on September 15, 2003, at 5:59:09
So I went to my session today, and before that I went to the bookstore to pick up In Session; that will be my read for tonight.
The session went....I don't know how it went yet. I did leave feeling more uplifted and less shamed. I didn't go straight into all this transference, but started off by telling him about my weekend. I have noticed that I couldn't really look him in the eye; I probably blushed every time I did.
It was very helpful to do what Hannah suggested: ask him about how he felt about transference in general. (I finally did that during the last ten minutes of the session.) His answer was very promising: that he thought that's where most growth comes from, when the client is capable of putting it on the table and process it with the therapist. He was curious as to why I was asking him all this, and I told him that I did feel afraid of disclosing more and I thought this way I could test the water first before I dive in. He was very respectful and didn't probe further. And of course I ended up describing a little bit about this transference that I am experiencing--which was hard--since I really don't know how to put words to some of the feelings; it's all muddy. He helped me a great deal by asking permission to ask me questions around it. That calmed my nerves a bit, and then he asked some good questions. It felt like he broke some of the taboo around it when he asked if I felt like I loved him/hated him, wanted more of him/less of him....etc. For some reason I was able to laugh more and felt at ease after he asked me those questions. I didn't really answer his questions just yet, but asked him more about his actual experiences with client transference. We were talking about the possibility of clients getting hurt in therapy. I confessed my fears of being hurt, and he answered by saying that he recognizes the great responsibility a therapist holds and that is why he wishes to do his best and work in partnership with me. I left smiling. Today was a good beginning to start doing more work; I felt.
Thank you so much for listening. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate having this forum to interact with all of you....thank you for your insight and kindness. :)
poster:emmaley
thread:260159
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/260811.html