Posted by Adia on September 11, 2003, at 18:47:04
In reply to Re: Should I get a new therapist? » HannahW, posted by Adia on September 11, 2003, at 18:39:41
Hannah,
just wanted to say..that when I shared about needs, I am not saying that I think my therapist should meet all those needs, and many times I have told her I hate it when I feel like a needy, little girl..I try not to ask her for reassurance and she sometimes doesn't like it, and says that I should find my answer in her actions and our work together....She doesn't meet my little girl needs, but she tries to help the adult me understand what can be done now or how things truly are now..She wants me to trust in our bond.
I think it is okay to tell her your needs...even though they can't always be met...but I find it relieving to have all that out in the open..
I hope you can talk to her next time you see her.
Sending you all my support,
Adia.
> Dear Hannah,
> Hi..I've been following your thread and reading what Fallsfall and Dinah and the others have shared...
> I feel a bit afraid to reply 'cause I am afraid of not saying the right thing...
> but I thought I'd share my feelings with you? and just send you my support when you see her and bring this up ...
> I hope you can discuss all this with her and tell her..how you felt...your feelings of rejection, how you're finding it hard right now to open up emotionally...everything you have shared here..
>
> I understand what the others have shared...
> I also understand that need to be reassured...I need my therapist's reassurance all the time...
> I may be expecting too much but I do need her to tell me I am worth something to her, and she won't abandon me and wants to work with me. I need her to tell me that I am not a burden to her and that she does want to see me...I need her to make me feel or tell me she cares about me.
> I have asked her for reassurance..I have told her in writing how much I need this from her..and she has done things to reassure me that I am safe with her.
> I think it is very important to feel accepted and supported and safe with your therapist...
> I may be feeling this because of my own issues and stuff, but I understand what you mean about needing to develop trust...I think it takes some time to build trust and a solid relationship...
> and all the time that relationship needs to be worked through..I may be wrong in all of this...
>
> about love...
> I do know I can't expect my therapist to love me...the way I may want her to love me..She has told me how I sometimes wish she could adopt me and love me as a mother would love a child, how I need that protection I never had...
> I have told her I love you...and she explained that she can love me from the person she is, as a human being, as a therapist, that she does love me...
> After I shared in writing what had happened to me with my father and all, she told me I care very much about you...and that was so important to me.
>
> I know this may be confusing..but I just wanted to share that I think it is possible to feel cared for, and to feel supported and develop a therapeutic bond based on trust and honesty and care...
>
> I understand the risks of letting someone close emotionally, I too feel afraid of knowing I've given my therapist so much power to hurt me, but for me, I do need to feel that closeness or bond.
>
> I guess we all have different needs...
> I really hope you can talk things over with her, and tell her how you're feeling, and the things you feel you need...
> Maybe she's not the right therapist for you..?
> I guess you will have a clearer idea once you can discuss all this with her and see what she explains and how she feels about things...
> I hope you can talk about it with her...
>
> I wish you the very very best...
> Sorry if I didn't say the right thing, you know I'm feeling sooooo anxious cause tomorrow I'm seeing my therapist ...
> But I wanted to reach out all the same and share with you and just say I heared you and I wish you the best with her when you see her...
> if things don't work that well, and you don't feel in your heart that she'll be able to help you then I do hope you can find someone supportive and caring to work with you..
> All my support,
> Adia.
>
>
poster:Adia
thread:258948
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/259171.html