Posted by fallsfall on September 11, 2003, at 6:24:26
In reply to Should I get a new therapist?, posted by HannahW on September 10, 2003, at 22:26:43
You have an interesting delemna. The thought that stands out for me is: "How can I trust someone who has already rejected me?". Dinah is right to suggest that all of this needs to be talked out. You need to talk to her about how what she said felt like rejection to you (I would have felt it as rejection, too, but I'm not sure that everyone would). You need to talk about how you can create an effective theraputic alliance if you do feel rejected. I think that you also have to talk about the fact that you are facinated personally by her. These are impossible things to talk about. But if you can successfully talk about them and understand each other's point of view, then I think you will have a successful therapy with her.
The other thing that concerned me by your post is that there were a couple of times where it seemed that you were trying to protect her:
>>She really does seem to have some problems going on in her life, and I'm afraid to contribute to her problems.
>>When I expressed my feelings of guilt for taking up so much time,
Since she has made clear that this is a professional relationship only, you need to let her take care of her end of things. I had a concern when my therapist went on vacation. He gave me his cell phone number so I could call. But I didn't want to call him on vacation! I told him that I had been a workaholic and had worked during my vacations and that it wasn't a good thing. I didn't want to be encouraging him to do the same. He said he had done it this way for years and that he preferred getting a call to coming back to a disaster. I brought up my concern, he made a decision for himself, and I had to honor that. (No, I didn't call on his vacation)
This will be hard to sort out, but I think you will need to sort it out together.
Good Luck, and let us know how it goes!
poster:fallsfall
thread:258948
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/259003.html