Posted by HannahW on September 9, 2003, at 17:58:21
In reply to My therapist called .... » fallsfall, posted by Adia on September 8, 2003, at 11:07:59
Oh, Adia, I feel for you!
Is your therapist a psychiatrist? I wonder if you might be feeling some social anxiety, and if an anti-anxiety medication before your session might help. Seems like it might be appropriate.
If that's not an option, maybe you could try to relax in some other way. Have a couple glasses of wine before you go (or mimosas if your appt. is in the morning!), or if you don't drink, maybe sit in the hottub at the gym, or just a hot bath at home, get a massage, whatever. Your next session sounds like a last-chance, make-it-or-break-it session.
Do absolutely everything in your power to be relaxed, loose, and uninhibited when you go in. Then, GO FOR BROKE! Let out all that stuff that feels so ugly and hideous to you, and risk her rejection. Remember, if you DON'T let it all out, it sounds like she WILL "reject" you (not really, but it will feel that way). You might as well let her inside you and hang your hat on the chance that she WON'T reject you because of it. (And she really won't!)
Playing along with the what-if-I'm-too-ugly-and-she-rejects-me-because-of-it idea, at least if you open up and let it spill out and she rejects you, you'll know you did everything you could and everything she asked, and that it's not your fault for not trying. (Of course that's a ridiculous scenario, but I'm playing Devil's advocate.) On the other hand, if you still stay reserved, and she rejects you because of it, you'll hate yourself for not giving it everything you had.
You can do it! What if she was you and had all your "stuff" and you were her? Would you find her "stuff" repulsive and reject? Would those horrible things that people did to her in her past make you think badly of HER? Or would it make you love her more and ache to help her?
Allow her to feel now the way you would if the tables were turned. Trust her the way you would want her to trust you if she were you.
Hannah
poster:HannahW
thread:257321
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/258512.html