Posted by goldfish on October 5, 2002, at 13:44:24
Hi - I wanted to post to see if others had had a similar experience to mine. I'm a mid-20s female, went to see a young (probably about 30) male therapist for short-term work on anxiety. The initial therapy was quite successful, not really because of anything he did or said, but because his presence really motivated me to work hard (write journals, do outside reading.) So, after a few months I felt like I had a handle on my anxiety problem, and my therapist suggested we continue to work on the "deeper" issues. Long story short, I had already developed a crush on him at this point and was just too freaked out to continue in therapy because I couldn't stand the thought of opening up so far with someone who would never reciprocate. It seemed...unnatural. So I terminated the therapy with him and am considering starting with another therapist (female this time!). But I'm still bothered by the whole relationship that unfolded between me and the male therapist. First, I find the concept of "transference" totally insulting. I didn't have a crush on him because I was seeing him as my father or whatever, but because he was a young, attractive man who would listen to all these deeply personal things I never talked about with anyone. I feel almost as the very nature of therapy inherently sets up these situations where you are going to get emotionally attached to your therapist, and it just seems wrong. Wrong because it is so inevitably one-sided, and a little twisted because it makes you so...abject...in front of another person who really has no personal interest in you at all, at the end of the day. Plus you're paying them for this privilege.
I should add that my therapist behaved perfectly honorably throughout, never ever did anything improper to suggest he was interested in me in any way other than a patient. I told him about my feelings, obliquely but unmistakably, at the very end.
So, anyone else out there have any thoughts/experiences along these lines?
thanks.
poster:goldfish
thread:1222
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020829/msgs/1222.html