Posted by Seedwoman on October 8, 2002, at 20:43:05
In reply to Re: crush on therapist..boundries, schmoundries, posted by goldfish on October 6, 2002, at 21:43:34
I can relate. But I didn't terminate. I was in too deep. The attachment to one's therapist is so complicated--not as "simple" as transference is supposed to be (i.e., the therapist is simply a blank slate on which you can project feelings about other significant people in your life)--but if you do choose to deal with "core" issues--abandonment and such--the therapist does in a sense "stand in" for others. On the other hand, he/she's an individual and the combination of a therapist who's of appropriate gender for you to fall in love with, young, attractive, genuinely empathic, and completely present and authentic with you, hangs on your every word...well, jeez, what's *not* to fall in love with? But it does go beyond that, if the relationship continues, into a deeper appreciation for the other person's uniqueness, and a more relaxed familiarity, an almost-friendship but with therapeutic boundaries intact. That's the key, I think. If the therapist is completely committed to your development and keeps your needs (not necessarily wants) at the top of the priority list, the attachment can become an important, even a key, element in the therapy. It worked for me...over a period of years I learned finally to trust him despite being terrified always that he would leave me. Unlike others in my life, he just kept being there for me, sitting beside me session after session and helping me along. Every time I panicked, he didn't leave, and he never did let me down. I still see him, at widely spaced intervals, but the intense attachment has mellowed out into something healthier. So while I can understand not being able to work through personal issues with the distraction of a crush, in some cases it may be just the thing to get the process moving, especially when you are numb and feelings are frozen. you don't want to start thawing stuff out until there's somebody there to keep you from drowning!
so I guess everyone needs to trust his/her judgement on whether to continue therapy when a crush develops; for some, it turns out to be just the thing that's needed.
poster:Seedwoman
thread:1222
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020829/msgs/1250.html