Posted by ElaineM on November 23, 2006, at 9:08:23
In reply to Re: Actually, scratch that... » ElaineM, posted by Deneb on November 22, 2006, at 22:46:46
>>>>>>It's difficult to be ignored though, no matter what the reason. I tend to think the absolute worse about myself when it happens. I mean, wouldn't you if you asked the person if it was because you did something bad and you didn't get a response?
True, it is difficult. I've written and been ignored before since coming to the board. The best you can do is figure that, for whatever reason (sensitive topic, not enough time, or even the person's personal feelings about me...the list can go on and on) it's not in that person's best interest to answer me. I wouldn't want anyone to jeopardize their own personal safety (emotional and whatnot) to satisfy my need for an answer. When I get non-responses, it hurts, but I just ask someone else here. I don't think I'd ask someone the reason they "ignored" me if I wasn't prepared for the most honest of answers. I can't fault someone for not liking me, or finding me exasperating, or hating my situation, or whatever else could be wrong with me..... It hurts, but that's their perogative.
D, you have a fair amount of people responding to you here - it's not the most active board afterall. I guess I have similar feelings to Nikki that way.
Okay I'm kinda stuck how to say this .... I *feel* hurt when it seems that only Racer's answers and opinions matter. Lots of people read this board and don't write at all too. I guess I just wondered what makes her so important to you.>>>>> Personally, when I babblemail someone to ask them for a response, then I would be wanting their attention -- eating disorder aside. She answered when you asked. I don't know.
>>Huh? Not sure what you mean here.
Yes, I'm a wording wizard ;-) No, I just meant that since you were asking about only wanting attention, I just wanted to point out, that we ask for alot of attention all the time. In little ways that we don't even pick up on. That it's not a morally "bad" thing. Even writing that original post with the question in it - you said that you wrote it to get *her* to respond. Everything we all write on here is to get attention, I guess I was wondering if it's just better to let things lie, and respond to whomever *does* answer you. Like, is it better to know an answer that's gonna upset you? Or does it hurt less to tolerate being "ignored"? [I meant that rhetorically ;)]
>>>>You asked me if I'm trying to NOT recover and my answer is mostly no.
Well, kinda. I threw out some variations of the question you asked. Saying that the most important thing is for you to search for the honest answer to each one (as best you can) for YOU. And only you. Cause when it comes down to it, the damage from purging is gonna be bore solely by you. Your body and life will be affected by what the answers to questions like that are - so in the end, it's really only important what YOU think about your ED.
>>>>For the most part I am trying to recover, but you know how complicated these things can get...resistance and all...
Ambivalence is normal. But wanting to recover (wanting it like an abstract thing) is different than actively mobilizing to do the things that need to be done to achieve that (or make a d@mn strong attempt). You can't just *want*, you have to *do*. Not just you, anyone and everyone trying to get better from something so terribly destructive.
>>>>>Right now my pdoc wants me to stop skipping lunch.
That's excellent advice. When you're blood sugar drops, then it'll make you crave like mad.
>>>>>I should eat 3 healthy meals and snacks.
Why don't you ask for her help creating an appropriate mealplan. You could schedule a whole session to mapping one out. If she doens't feel she has enough expertise then she could refer you to a dietician.
When you skip meals (not only do cravings increase) your body tends to go into a mode where it'll hold onto whatever calories it *is* given, cause it won't be reliably sure when the next meal is gonna come.>>>>>>I shouldn't worry about the calories in fruit.
Yes, those kind of carbs are good. You need them to be healthy. Synthesized sugars aren't the same. Plus, the nutritional benefits (vitamins which you must replace anyways) far out-weigh any carbs. It's really not that much in fruit anyways - not really.
>>>>>I should avoid getting too hungry.
>>>>>I'm more worried about my purging than binging right now.Yep, another good bit of advice. It's almost guaranteed that when you starve you're setting yourself up bigtime for a binge. THe two actions tend to cycle. That's why it VERY important for you to follow your pdocs advice about eating enough, regularily.
>>>>>My binging is not that severe. I've never eaten a whole gallon of ice cream before.
Sounds like you're describing "Subjective Binges". That's not a judgment on my part, that's an actual term used in treatment to describe eating not a "typical true binge amount", but eating without the feeling of control... eating when you know you're not hungry...eating for other emotional reasons....
One piece of advice I would offer is to ditch the food scale. I can look it down if you want. But its much healthier to learn to estimate portion sizes by recognizable equivalents. Jeez, I can't even recall it right now, but it sounds like this: a portion of **** equals the size of a dominoe, a portion of **** equals the palm of your hand, ....equals a deck of cards....and whatnot.>>>>>Sometimes I purge just to get rid of the being full feeling. I suppose I should learn to deal with being full.
This is why you MUST find someone with expertise to help you. May I ask you a personal question? Are you against obtaining a therapist, or ED therapist? And if so, why? I just think that if your problem is half as bad as you yourself have described then you NEED someone else.
Please ask about more help. THere's so much more behind eating disorders than just eating or not eating, or not retaining food. BUt it's too hard to pull apart yourself. You don't need to do residential, but you need someone.
If there really is even one tiny part of you that wants, truely WANTS, to get better (and learn what's going on inside) then do this one initial thing, and find someone who can help. You can do this for yourself, I believe in you. You can call those numbers. If not, why not. And then we can help you with that too. ((((D))))
blove, EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:703525
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20060628/msgs/706427.html