Posted by ChicagoKat on September 26, 2012, at 6:30:53
In reply to Re: I'm in trouble » ChicagoKat, posted by AlexCanada on September 26, 2012, at 3:51:10
> Your husband does not sound like he cares at all. It sounds like he has given up on you but it's important that you do not give up on yourself. For him to so easily comply with plans for ''departure'' and even suggest to write it all down does make me agree with you that he is very heartless.
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> Some people may say couples therapy etc but the reality is that a monster cannot just suddenly start loving you, let alone grow empathy. Confronting this in a realistic rather than an idealistic sense would do you more good in the long run. He really does seem like he simply does not care about you at all. His reactions speak volumes. What can be done about it? In time if you feel better on a particular medication maybe you can move on with your life without him. He already has clearly stated he is willing to move on without you. To him he may feel as if you are already gone. He does not love you but at least you know it and recognize it as such. Someone so heartless. ''Through sickness and in health'' is supossed to mean something.
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> I been dealing with strong melancholic dep for a decade as well and at various times used to believe it was unlikely for me to ever have any sort of realistic love life but such thoughts stem from being unhealthy. At times I was even involved with a girl whom treated me like dirt but I put up with it because she was the only person in my life. But she was dependent on me due to her own issues and never really truly cared. Life can become stagnant around such people and prevent progress.
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> Certain medications would lift me out of such darkness. Whether it was Parnate, Paxil, Ritalin, Gabapentin, Emsam, Rhodiola Rosea... it would allow some for some sense of possible acceptance despite my strong depression, and with acceptance would come possibily for relationships which previously seemed impossible. The negative cloud can lift and everything which may tell you to give up is just the chemical inbalance giving you the wrong message.
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> Try to fight it as best you can as there are always other medical options available if Nardil doesn't cut it so please do not give up on yourself.
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> What is your diagnosis and how would you describe your symptoms?
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> > I'm in my washout before I start Nardil. I have a week left and my mind and body are giving up. Tonight I talked to me husband and I asked, what if the Nardil doesn't work? It's worked for me in the past, but it seems every drug I've ever taken doesn't work for me anymore. Not even advil. I told him I can't feel like this the rest of my life and if the Nardil doesn't work we'll have to very carefully plan my death. His response? He told me to write down everything I want done and to make a copy of it for him. No sympathy, no love, no caring, no support. I'm married to an emotionless monster. No wonder I'm so depressed. I've been having dreams of when I was happy, when I had boyfriends who were fun and who made me laugh. I'm in hell.
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>Thank you so much for your heartfelt and honest reply, Alex. Ironically, my husband is from Canada too. Anyways, I know I probably need to move on, but I'm just too sick to do so now. Not to mention I'm on disability and dependent on him financially. It seems like no matter what I do, no matter what choices I make, even though I try to think them through very carefully and rationally, I end up screwing my life up. And I don't have a lot of life left at age 47 now.
Hopefully the Nardil will work and I can figure things out.
I feel so bad for you, it sounds like you've been through hell too. Oh, I'm diagnosed with MDD - severe and treatment resistant. I hope you find something that helps you. Don't you give up either! There has to be something for each of us that will be the answer. Hang in there, and if you ever want to talk, I am here
Kat
poster:ChicagoKat
thread:1026549
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120922/msgs/1026699.html