Posted by StillHopefull on May 5, 2010, at 15:14:15
In reply to Re: Off Meds Since January - Depressed AGAIN, posted by CaffeinePoet on May 5, 2010, at 11:18:19
> Sorry you're depressed.
Thanks - I am in the company of a lot of intelligent, caring people here. I'm sorry we are all depressed. It DOES help to know that I am not alone - that there are others who know how painful all this business is. Unless one has felt the despair, and gone through the struggle, they can't really understand. I know you, may I call you my new friends?, understand what I am going through.
> I've been off since November. I calculated, it was off for 22 weeks. 13 weeks were great. 9 weeks were an increase in obsessive anxiety, hypochondira, memory problems, etc. building to a crescendo. After hemming and hawing over the issue I started on a med again yesterday.
I started weaning down on my meds in August and have been completely med free since the end of January. Looking back, my meds probably had quit working last summer. I completely lost all motivation - I kept going to work but on my days off I would stay in bed all day. Not sleeping, just like I was "turned off" - my depression is an absence of feelings. Except for guilt. I feel guilty for being so worthless. Very typical depressive mood. I quit my job in March. Now the struggle is to not stay in bed EVERY day. I am looking for another job - can't afford not to. The latest depressive symptom has been crying. I cry at the drop of a hat...The wierd thing is, I did go to the neurofeedback treatment yesterday. And immediately after I didn't feel like crying. And I don't feel too much like crying now, although if I start thinking about what I'm putting my husband through I could work up to it... ;-D Anyway, part of me thinks the neurofeedback is quakery. Another part of me wants to believe in it. I will post a message on the alternative therapy board about the whole thing for those who are interested.
> Here's what I think; if it's lasted for longer than a month, seek medical treatment. You can STILL pursue biofeedback and work to find a combo that is truly effective for you. Also deal with medical issues. AND take a pill. Some people do deal without medication, but why suffer?
The internist who supervised my withdrawal said that to take is pill is easy, and to deal with the depression in other ways is a lot of work. Pretty funny huh? Asking someone severely depressed to work on themselves? WTF? I know I would feel better if I went for a walk, but that's pretty hard to accomplish if I can barely make it out of bed. But, today seems to be a good day. I not only made it out of bed, I've taken a shower, brushed my teeth, gotten dressed, and MADE the bed. I even did a load of laundry. Little accomplishments - so insignificant to most, such a big deal for me.I am going to give it one more month - during this month I will do the neurofeedback, take the supplements, and try not to think any stinky thoughts that bring me down. If I am still down in the pit in 4 weeks, I will have to find a new dr. and get back on meds. And I will keep you updated.
And thanks again to all for the info, feedback, links, and support!
poster:StillHopefull
thread:946156
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100504/msgs/946440.html